Remicade, Crohn's, and Christmas

On Dec. 5th 2015 I had my first Remicade infusion.  Thus beginning my long journey into the life of remicade infusions and hospital visits every 4 to 8 weeks for the rest of my life or until the remicade stops working.  And it also is the beginning of my journey into insurmountable medical debt due to the remicade infusions costing me over 1,100.00 every time i have an infusion and I can't get any help from the remicade discount plan because I am a medicare patient and I also can't get any help through a medical grant because my husband and I make too much money. So the only option we are looking at is to apply for medical bankruptcy in the next couple of years.  Because the remicade alone not including all my other thousands of dollars in medical debt will be in just one year over 13,000 dollars!!! We are too rich to be poor but we are too poor to be rich.  We are the middle class in America.

Jeremy and I in our Very First Remicade Selfie and Me in my purple (Crohn's Awareness) Santa Hat

 The Crohn's Disease continues to ravage my body and the first infusion has not shown any signs of relieving my pain and suffering.  I am in continuous pain in my intestines, stomach and now joints and bones due to the recent Crohn's induced arthritis that has decided to ravage my body as well.  Many days I fight just to walk across the hall to the bathroom and literally have to will myself and tell myself to get up and do a little bit of house work ever day so I don't get behind on it and the chores start piling up.  

In the face of all this, I have chosen to enjoy the Christmas holiday and make the best of it. Jeremy and I have baked lots of cookies and handed them out to our neighbors, and family.  mailed out and handed out lots of Christmas cards, and when I am too sick to do anything I have started working on 2016's Smitten Mitten expedition's items with the yarn that has been donated. 

The Caverley 2015 Christmas Tree

I go back to see my GI doctor on Jan. 5th and I'm not sure how that is going to go, and then I am suppose to also have my next Remicade infusion that week also.  Just taking deep breaths and reminding myself to breathe and let it all go because I have no control over all this.  Only God does and He is better at this stuff than i am. 

JMC VLog Episode 48: Miranda You Need To Start Chemotherapy

I Will Walk Through This Valley If You Want Me To

A long restless night for both Jeremy and I, trying to cope with the
bad news we got yesterday from the GI doctor. Jeremy and I cried off
and on all evening yesterday. He asks God "WHY?" "Why does MIranda have
to go through so much?" "Why don't you just take her home to heaven?"
"Why does Miranda have to suffer?"

I'm asking myself the same questions in my head. Why? So after a night of troubled sleep, tossing
and turning I think I know the answer to, Why?

All I can think, is that there are people God wants me to meet inside the hospital where
I am going to go for my Chemotherapy treatment and that I am to share
HIS love and hope with them. And the only way I can share the love and
hope of Jesus with these people is to go through this darkness and
sickness. I am desperately praying for purpose in the face of such
adversity, and that God IS working all things for my good through this
new treatment I am facing. 

Getting this news from my doctor was hard to take, but I'll be honest
what was harder was making all those phone calls to friends and family
to tell them this bad news. With every phone call, I felt like i was
ripping their hearts out. Watching my husband lie on the floor in our
living room sobbing and punching pillows because there is nothing else
to take his anger or frustration out on. These are the things that
breaks me. But today, I am just holding on to God's promises and know
He is with me every step of the way through this next step in my fight
against Crohn's Disease, and praying that this chemotherapy treatment
will NOT be in vain and that it will work and I will get back into
remission

Miranda, The Doctor wants to start you on Chemotherapy Treatment, The Nurse Told Me On The Phone Today

After talking to my 3 doctors today, my GI doctor has decided to start me on Remicade which is chemotherapy to treat my crohn's disease. 

 3 weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn's induced arthritis which means my immune system is not just attacking my guts, but also my joints and bones!! The only good thing about this is that it is not as severe as Rheumatoid arthritis but still causes damage to my joints and bones if left untreated.  The only treatment for this type of arthritis is to "aggressively treat the crohn's disease" as my rheumatologist told me.  The doctor thinks I have PERIPERAL ARTHRITIS here is a link to learn more about the different types of Crohn's Disease induced arthritis and about my particular arthritis
http://www.ccfa.org/resources/arthritis.html

Then in the past 7 days i have had every crohn's symptom i've ever had in the past suddenly hit me at the same time. I have had my mouth and tongue covered in ulcers (took 5 days to clear up and still fighting to clear up one on my bottom lip) never ending intestinal pain, diarrhea, severe fatigue, loss of appetite, pain ulcers/boils on the side of my stomach, and then last night a 10 minute dry heaving session trying to throw up everything that is in my stomach, that made me nearly pass out before it ended.

So after reviewing my symptoms and my new diagnosis the GI/Crohn's Specialist wants to see me next Tuesday Morning to start all the blood work and other tests for me to move forward starting Remicade/Chemotherapy.  Here is a link to read about Remicade and how it is used to treat Crohn's disease http://www.remicade.com/

Of Course my biggest fears of taking Chemo is 
1. will I start to lose my hair, because when I was on Humira my hair started falling out and I was forced to cut my hair very short to stop it from falling out and thinning anymore than it had. 
2. Will it make me really sick before it starts to work 
3. Will it even work, because Crohn's isn't like Cancer where doctors are certain it will work, with Crohn's it's literally "well lets try this and see if it will work" 
4. Contracting some kind of virus or infection and I can't fight it off and I die because my immune system is so depleted from the Chemo. 
5. Getting Cancer down the road due to taking the Chemo.  

So many fears and thoughts running through my head today, but I am gradually going to take these fears and hand them to God and say "you have to take these because I cannot handle them" and hope and pray for the best that the Chemo will work and I can get a bit of my life back again.  I am truly in God's hands at this point, I do not know what tomorrow holds, BUT I KNOW WHO HOLDS TOMORROW!  

Pray for me friends and family and also pray for my sister, mom, dad, step mom, and grandparents as they walk through this with me, and we get ready to put our feet to the fire again in this battle against this disease.   

New Rheumatoligist and New Incurable Illness

Update on my Visit to the Rheumatologist: Yesterday I went to see my new doctor and the good news is, He knows my GI/Crohn's Disease specialist and he is knows a lot about Crohn's Disease and all the problems it can cause.

The Bad News, the doctor does not think I have fibromyalsia He thinks I have a form of arthritis through out my body that is specifically caused by the Crohn's Disease. Which means that my immune system has decided to start attacking my joints, muscles now along with attacking GI tract. The rheumatologist said "sadly once you get one auto-immune disease you will get more"
To diagnose this type of arthritis is very tough and much like diagnosing Fibromyalsia, so that means there isn't a specific test that can be done to say "hey you have this new incurable illness"
it's more like the rheumatologist has to look at my symptoms and my medical history and just make a diagnosis and see if treating my symptoms through this type of diagnosis will help ease my pain.
the other bad news, the main way to treat this type of arthritis is through biologic medications such as Humira injections (which i have already been on in the past) Remicade infusions (a type of Chemotherapy). When he told me this i got upset because when I was on Humira/biologics before, I was constantly sick, catching every little thing floating around in the air, no energy and down right sick feeling 24/7 not to mention it made me start to lose my hair and I had to cut it all off very short to stop it from falling out.

So the game plan, the doctor has ordered blood work to first rule out Rheumatoid Arthritis because he said there is a chance i could have RA and not just the crohn's induced arthritis, he said he is hoping along with me that it is NOT RA and agreed I have been through so much I don't need that form of Arthritis on top of Crohn's. If i had to choose between RA and this crohn's induced arthritis I would rather take the crohn's induced arthritis, because RA is the worst form of arthritis you can ever get. And blood work to try and confirm the crohn's induced arthritis.

After the results come back from my blood work then the doctor will call me to tell me the test results and to set up another appointment to work on a game plan for my official diagnosis. The doctor said he also is going to call my GI/ Crohn's specialist and talk to him about running tests on me to make sure my crohn's is still in remission in my guts. I pray they won't do a colonoscopy since i am not having diarrhea, not having pain all the time, not having blood in my stool, or having problems digesting food and holding food down. I pray that my doctor will just order blood work and a ct-scan on my guts to look for inflammation.

To say I didn't cry a little would be a lie, oh yes i teared up. Especially when the doctor looked at me and said before he ended my visit "your body has been through so much, I'm so sorry" because he knows there is no cure for what I have and it is not for certain even the medications will help ease my suffering. the doctor also said "you right Crohn's is not just a pooping disease, it affects every inch of your body"

I told him that I had 26 healthy years and I am so happy I got those 26 years. And i shared with him about getting sick just 12 days after Jeremy and I got married and how we have literally been fighting this disease our whole marriage. The look on his face when i told him this you could see his heart break for me. But I told him before i left that "i figure if i got to see a new doctor i just think of it as i get to make a new best friend" and he laughed and said that was a great way to look at it.

So there it is my friends. You would think that after continually being diagnosed with different health problems over the past 8 years it wouldn't bother me so much when I get a new diagnosis. But the reality is, you never do i think. It's like every time you hear the doctor say the words "incurable" or "disease" it never gets easier. It literally feels like a part of me has died and I have to take time to grieve that part of me I have lost and then pick myself up off the floor again, give this new illness/disease to God and say "here you handle it, I'm just too weak to carry this on my own" have a good cry and then move on and focus on the things I still have control over and can do with what life I have in the face of these illnesses.

The thing that made it oh so much easier to deal with, was having my sister and my grandmother there with me when I got the news. I have to brag about my sister Autumn for a moment. My sister has never had the chance to be there with me when I have gotten the "bad news" speech before and yesterday she decided to go back with me to the examination room instead of my grandma. Autumn got a front row seat of my life with Crohn's and she saw how it affects the doctors to not be able to cure/heal me but all they can say is "I'm so sorry" and "we will do what we can"

I was thinking last night, for those who have said they want to be a part of my journey with this disease in the past, first off you have to be ready to put your feet to fire because you are going to get burned and it is going to hurt and you WILL have scars, at times it may seem the fire will consume you because you feel so helpless to help me and stop my suffering, but that is why we must trust the Lord and just love and support me through this just as I have continued tp love and support my friends and family when they have faced health problems. I think about the story of shadrach meshach and abednego, they were in the midst of the fire and yet it did NOT consume them, it did NOT destroy them, for God was with them in the flames. And that is about the only way to describe what my little support group of friends and family go through with me. But at the end of the day I just keep saying to myself, this pain and suffering WILL end one day God will heal me either while I'm still on this earth or when I go to heaven, I'm a winner either way.

Upper Respiratory Infections and Auto Immune Diseases Do Not Mix Well

Yesterday for the first time in 5 years I had to go to Urgent Care because my body decided to catch an upper respiratory infection.  In just 8 hours I went from no infection in my chest to coughing my head off tasting infection and coughing nasty stuff up.  Thankfully my dad came and got me right a way yesterday morning and had me at the urgent care when they opened.  With my immune system being compromised due to the Crohn's Disease an infection can turn bad very quickly for me. 

Luckily since I went to the doctor right a way the nurse said I was not as bad as some patients they have been seeing with this, and that it was going around VERY bad.  I did not have a fever, but due to my pain level being high, my blood pressure was high and I was also having chest pains and with my medical history the doctor ran an EKG just as a precaution, and the results came back normal thankfully.  But he did order me some antibiotics and a cough suppressant.  This is the first time I've been on antibiotics since getting C-diff back in 2011 and so I'm doing everything I can to make sure I don't get C-diff again, so I'm drinking buttermilk and making sure I'm getting probiotics in my system.

This infection could not have come at a worse time, because on Friday I have to see the Rheumatologist to possibly be diagnosed with Fibromyalsia and I REALLY hope that i can have this infection over with by then.  I'm getting very little sleep waking up once every hour to cough stuff up out of my chest or I'm waking up with horrible night sweats that leave me cold and clammy.

Spending a lot of time drinking hot green tea with lemon and honey, and watching Netflix to pass the time especially right now being 4:45 a.m. and I can't sleep because I'm coughing too much again.  Hopefully the cough suppressant will kick in soon. But no matter what it's going to be a good day and I will get what house work I need to get done today, which is very little thankfully and rest and pray this infection passes quickly so I can get some rest.  

Happy 8th Wedding Anniversary Jeremy

Today 8 years ago I married the love of my life Jeremy Caverley.  To be honest I did not know if I would be celebrating 8 years of marriage with Jeremy due to the fact that last year on this day we were separated and I was living with my Grandparents crying myself to sleep this night 1 year ago praying God help me to know what to do to save my marriage. 

God worked a miracle, Jeremy and I have been back together for 6 months and we are doing very well.  The biggest hurdle we fight to get over everyday is the Crohn's Disease and now Fibromyalgia.  85% of marriages that go through an Incurable disease/Chronic illness do not make it.  The disease destroys the marriage, but I refuse to allow this disease anymore power over my life and especially my marriage.  I will fight to the death for my marriage because it is worth fighting for.  Jeremy and I have such an amazing love for each other we have survived so much to be together.

 The first obstacle we had to face was the fact our relationship was long distance with him being in northern California in the U.S Coast Guard and me here in Chillicothe Ohio.  But we made it and when he got out of the U.S. Coast Guard in July 2007, we drove cross country back to ohio and were married 2 months later.  But then just 12 days after we got married another obstacle was thrown at us, I was being admitted to the hospital and having emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder, which at that time we did not know was bad due to undiagnosed Crohn's Disease. And after the surgery I just never recovered and continued to stay sick and then gradually got sicker until I had a nervous break down and was labeled disabled and no longer able to hold down a job due to my ever growing health problems that no one could figure out. 

Fast forward to 4 years later on Sept. 7th 2011 just a couple weeks before our 4 year wedding anniversary I was officially diagnosed with Crohn's Disease after finding a good GI specialist. 

So our entire marriage has been a fight, every inch we have journeyed on this road in life together has been an epic battle majority of the time.  But we have prevailed this far and have no intentions on surrendering now.  You HAVE to have unconditional love for your spouse to go through this much,  because when the money has all run out, and the sex is no longer there due to health problems, and all you have is each others company that is when you truly find out if the person you are with truly loves you and that they are holding on to their wedding vows "through sickness and in health, til death do us part" that is what marriage is all about. 

Now not everything in our marriage has been storm clouds and rain.  There are days of beautiful Rainbows and clear blue skies.  Like this past weekend, we had the most fantastic Anniversary weekend that we have had in literally 4 years! It all started last Friday night with us going to Grandma and Poppy's for a bon fire.  My sister, dad, step mom, Grandma, Poppy and their dogs Maggie and sissy all gathered around Grandma's fire pit and roasted hot dogs and smores! We listened to some great old songs from mine and my sister's childhood and just had a wonderful time and I was NOT sick at all!!!

Then Saturday Jeremy and I went shopping, we stopped and got some fresh sushi for lunch and then we went to Kmart and each got a new pair of tennis shoes, I got 2 new pairs of pants and Jeremy got a new shirt.  We came back home for a little while so I could rest due to the fatigue hitting me from all the walking and then we went back out and went to a thrift store where I found some awesome books and a game.  then we went to Red Lobster for our BIG Anniversary dinner.  I had the Lobster feast meal, and oh my Lord was that the most amazing meal I have EVER had and it did NOT make me sick because sea food is the number 1 food I can eat any time without it hurting me.  I ate lobster, crab claws, and 2 types of shrimp! For dessert I had the most awesome carrot cake.  Jeremy had the Shrimp feast with shrimp cooked multiple ways and the most tasty fish I have ever tried, and for his dessert he had a choco chip cookie lava cake with a scoop of ice cream and choco sauce over it.  This meal was the most expensive meal I have ever had but it was so worth it and our waitress was so great we thanked her for making it so special.  Then we came home and literally crashed we both were so tired and then Sunday we literally slept the entire day and just cuddled and watched movies together.

Then today for our anniversary I made bbq ribs in the slow cooker with potato wedges and pumpkin cheese cake for dessert.  Jeremy told me those ribs were "DANG GOOD" and coming from a Texan I think I did pretty good for my first time ever making ribs.  They literally fell clean off the bones and were just right. 

So even though I am sick every day, including today I had hardly any sleep and have been in pain all evening to the point I had to take an emergency med.  We were still able to enjoy our anniversary and have a good time. 

I love you Jeremy, you are my heart.

Casper's Lullaby Performed By Miranda Caverley

My version of James Horner's song "Casper's Lullaby"
You can download this song for Free at this link
https://www.reverbnation.com/jmcministries/song/24297261-caspers-lullaby-cover

God Has A Purpose And A Plan For My Life

Something I must share of how God has a plan for our lives and he can see years into the future of what we will have the opportunity to accomplish for His Kingdom.

Almost 20 years ago when I was 16 years old I was going through a very hard time in my life. My parents were divorced my mom was trying to raise my sister and I. I had gone through a horrible 2 month relationship with my first boyfriend. I was facing a lot for my 16 year old brain to handle, I was a Christian was active in church and playing drums for a church but life just felt like it was closing in on me. One night i felt i could not go on, and so in the middle of the night i stepped out through the window of my bedroom and onto the roof of our house. I stood on the edge of the roof and looked down thinking about committing suicide. I was about to jump when i heard a loud audible voice from within my spirit yell STOP!!!! I came back to myself a little more and realized what i was about to do and knew i would send my soul to hell if i would jump and kill myself. So I stepped back in through the window and went back to bed never telling anyone what i had done.

For weeks after this event i began praying for God to let me die, I just wanted to go home to heaven I wanted to be without all this turmoil and pain my mind was going through. Then one night God came to me......

I went to bed on a school night and went to sleep. The next thing I knew I was floating above my bed, I was floating into the clouds and out of the atmosphere. And suddenly I was standing a huge gate and there was bright white light all around. The Gate opened and I stepped just inside. I knew immediately i was in heaven, and I thought I was dead and God had heard my cry to be able to come home.

As I stood just inside the gate I look over and I see my Great Grandma Naomi James (MawMaw) who had died when I was 10 years old. I said "Mawmaw!?" and she "Yes Miranda, Hi" and then after she walked past I saw an young man in his teens with blonde hair He looked at me and said "Hi Miranda" I looked at this young man who was about my age and said "Craig?!" He looks at me and says "Yeah!" this young man was my uncle Craig who died when he was 15 years old who I only knew from his school picture that my Grandmother has sitting on a table in her house. Craig walked on by and suddenly I was surrounded by a multitude of people many who's faces i recognized but could not remember their names.

Suddenly, the crowd began to part and I saw a tall man in a white robe walking towards me, his face shown like the sun and I immediately knew it was Jesus. Jesus came to me and said "my child why are you praying this prayer?" And immediately I knew what he meant, the prayer I had been praying for weeks that he would take me home to heaven. "I looked at Jesus and said "I just want to come home, it's too much to handle" Jesus looks at me and says, "But Miranda it's not your time to come home, you have so much to still do so much life that must still be lived. There are people on earth that need to hear the gospel and need help, and there are people there that only YOU can help and you must be there to help them."

I stood there kinda in shock and Jesus wrapped his arms around me and hugged me and it was like I found strength like i had never known come into my spirit. And I looked up at Jesus and said, "Ok I will go back" and immediately a force pulled me out of the gate of heaven and i felt myself falling and then suddenly i felt my soul return to my body and I woke up gasping for air like I had been under water for a long time holding my breath.

I never prayed that prayer again and I lived my life as "every day i am alive is because there is someone i still haven't met yet and shared my testimony and about Jesus"

Yesterday I had another God moment that confirmed that dream. Nearly 20 years later and now being 34 years old I had a person tell me "Miranda you are the only person i know who could help me, you were the only person i felt i could talk to you because i knew you had gone through this same certain situation and you survived it."
 
And I immediately thought of the words Jesus spoke to me when i was 16 years old "It's not your time, there are people on earth that only you can help and you need to be there for them"

After this person talked to me about what they were going through and how they felt God had placed me in their life so many years ago because He knew what the future held and knew that one day they would need a friend who could help them through. I told this person about my vision of Heaven when i was 16 years old and I told this person "DON'T YOU GIVE UP, BECAUSE I'M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU!!! Don't you ever forget about what Jesus told me all those years ago, because He revealed himself to me and told me what he did is the reason I didn't commit suicide. YOU ARE THE REASON I DID NOT END MY LIFE. Because I believed what Jesus said and believed He had a purpose for my life and you telling me this confirms that there are truly people on this earth that only I can help and I must be here to share the love of Jesus and help show them the way until it is my time to come home to heaven.

God knows the plans he has for us
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God sees the full length of the road I am traveling on in my life and though I may be sick, I may not be able to do as much ministry work out in the public as I use to. But I am still here to do His will and to help those he sends my way. We may not understand why we go through so much suffering on this earth but I know NOW that my suffering has been for the Glory of God and to bring hope to those who are or have gone through the same things i have. Because God brought me through He will bring You through too.

When people ask me is Jesus real and is heaven real I can for certain tell them "Yes" and when they ask "how do you know" I can answer "because I have seen Jesus and I have seen a glimpse of heaven" and I know HE is real.

Doctors, Fevers, Fibromyalgia, and Rheumatologists

Yesterday I went back to my Primary Care doctor for my 6 month follow up:

 First the good news....I did not have an ear infection, or infection in my throat after having symptoms for 4 days. what was causing my ear pain was I had ear wax impacted in my ear canal and had to have my ears professionally cleaned. What came out of my left ear was so gross, the nurses said I gave birth and I should name it hahahahaha so I named it Fred! Never had this happen to me in my life but thankful they got that yucky ear wax out of my head. I told Jeremy I could be like shrek in the movie and make a candle out of my ear wax hahahaha UH NO!

The Bad News...it appears the low grade fevers i'm running is caused from the crohn's disease and there is not much anyone can do but to continue to monitor them and make sure that if they get to 101.0 or higher to get to the ER.

 The other bad news is... that my doctor thinks have Fibromyalgia and i will be seeing a rheumatologist in a few weeks to confirm it and to see if there is anything else going on inside of my crazy body. 

The doctor has also ordered blood work to check all my levels and will find out the results of those in a few days. praying NOTHING is out of whack! I Was running a fever of 100.1 at the doctors office at 1:30p.m. yesterday and did not get the fever broke until after 7p.m. last night.  Luckily the fever never went over the 100.1 degree mark but it made me so miserable that I fell asleep while watching The Wizard Of Oz! For those who know me, know I am a Wizard of Oz fanatic and for me to fall asleep during that movie really showed how sick I was yesterday.

Today so far has been a really good day. No fevers all morning so far and I even was well enough to make Jeremy some choco chip pancakes and then I cleaned our upstairs bathroom.  I pray the good day continues I really need one full good day without my body flipping out.

That's the latest, keep me in prayers as I face this possible new incurable illness, that God heal me and restore my broken body.  it's been a rough couple of weeks to say the least.

JMC Vlog Episode 47: Playing Music and Running Fevers All At The Same Time

Had the opportunity to go see my friend Stephanie perform last night at one of our local coffee houses and she asked me to sing a couple songs. But my body decided to run a fever and get sick while I was performing. UGH

If you want to download 2 of the songs I sang last night the links are below

Long As I Live FREE download
https://www.reverbnation.com/jmcministries/song/22882328-long-as-i-live

Legends of the Fall Medley FREE Download
https://www.reverbnation.com/jmcministries/song/872289-legends-of-the-fall-medley

Funny Moments With The Caverleys: Jeremy Sets Himself Ablaze!

My husband Nearly set himself ablaze while grilling out on our patio yesterday!

JMC Vlog Episode 46 Update on My Fight With Crohn's, Prayer Request for ...

Latest update on my fight against Crohn's Disease and prayer requests
for my friend Heidi and my new friend Janelle who are both fighting
Crohn's Disease

To learn more about Heidi visit http://www.reverbnation.com/heidialex

I'd Like To Introduce You To My Friend and fellow Crohn's Fighter Heidi

Me on the Right and My Friend Heidi on the left

4 years ago I became very good friends with a young woman around my age name Heidi who has been fighting Crohn's Disease Since she was 12 years old.  We became friends through facebook thanks to my husband Jeremy because He was friends with her because she was in a Christian Rock band and we were looking to interview her and the band on our Christian internet show that we did.  But God had a great plan, the week i was diagnosed Heidi wrote my husband and told him that she was there for me and Jeremy and if I needed any advice on fighting Crohn's and some tricks to coping with it, to feel free to contact her. 

So I did and Heidi and we have had an amazing friendship now for 4 years. Last September, Heidi and I got to meet face to face for the first time. She flew to Ohio for a couple days for a mini vacation and my mom and I picked her up from the Airport, had lunch with her and spent a couple hours together and then dropped her off at her hotel.  It was an amazing moment to meet Heidi and feel such a kindred spirt (As Anne Of Green Gables Calls it, that day I felt like Anne did when she met Diana)

However, on July 18th 2015 my friend Heidi was admitted to the hospital due to her Crohn's Disease, the next day July 19th she was scheduled for an emergency colonoscopy to see what was going on, however the doctors could not even do the colonoscopy because they discovered her colon was completely blocked and she also has several fistulas.  When this was discovered Heidi was sent in right away for emergency surgery. However her condition was so bad, they could not do all the surgery she needs and so she will have to go back in for more surgery in a few weeks to try and repair the damage the fistulas have done.  Heidi has also been put on a brand new drug that is being used to help Crohn's Patients because every other medication out there that is used to treat Crohn's no longer works for her.  She is literally at the end of the line on medications to try and combat this disease that is trying to destroy her body.  And last September she told me when we met, that she was heading towards having to have a complete bowel resection and have a colostomy bag.

But the good thing is, today Heidi got to go home from the hospital.  She can now be at home resting and be with her son Zion and her family.  For a Chronic Illness fighter, being home and suffering is WAY better than being in a hospital suffering.  So I am so happy she is home for now until she has to go back in for surgery in a few weeks.

Not only is Heidi my fellow Crohn's warrior but she is also my sister in Christ. Heidi has such an amazing faith in God.  And honestly watching her go through her fight with this disease and continuing to stay positive and watch her faith continue to increase as her suffering increases has truly inspired me and helped me to grow in my faith in the Lord and find the positive inspite of the all the negatives that is surrounding me.

We both support each other in our fight against this disease and are there for each other even though she is in Florida and I'm here in Ohio. Our friendship is truly a blessing from the Lord and I cannot thank him and Praise Him enough for putting Heidi and I in each others lives.

Before I end this blog post I want to share with you what Heidi just posted on her facebook page an hour or so ago.  Heidi shared the picture i shared above in this post along with this message.....

I have had the honor and support from this girl and her husband since they ran across my rock band in 2010, "Days of Revolution". It has been so encouraging having her in my life, especially since we fight the same disease daily. This picture is from October of last year, when I had the chance to fly out to a concert close to her hometown! I love her so much! friends for life, my fellow fighter. I love you Miranda!

When I read this I immediately thought of the Song "You Got A Friend" by James Taylor, it truly sums up our relationship.  I hope you have enjoyed getting to know my friend Heidi.  

If you want to learn more about Heidi she is a musician, and model, along with being a Crohn's Fighter, here is the link to her music page where you can listen to her music and watch her videos. Her song "Rescue" Is amazing and it truly autobiographical about her fight with Crohn's 

https://www.reverbnation.com/heidialex

Longing For A Safe and Sheltered Eternal Life As Much As We Long For A Safe and Sheltered Physical Life

Thought that has been stirring around in my mind today.....I hear people complain all the time about the crime, drugs, and bad people in our area. They say, "I won't put up with these kind of people/behavior, I'll move to a safer place" And rightfully so no one wants to live around chaos discord and crime. We all long for a peaceful life with out fear of people hurting us and our family.

But this kind of mind set should also apply for our souls and Eternal Life as well, not just our physical lives. Because even though we can move away to a possibly safer place in this world while we are alive and get away from the murderers, rapists, drug dealers, thieves etc. But, If our souls are not ready to go to heaven when we die, those same type of people we strive to avoid all our lives we will be stuck in eternity with them, living in the same house with them FOREVER! There will be no policemen to protect us, no apartment manager to complain to try and get the bad people evicted and moved out so our community can be more safe. All that will be there is ever lasting torment and suffering.

The only hope we have for a safe, peaceful and sheltered life and Eternal life is Jesus without Jesus and the repentance of sin there is no hope for that peaceful, sheltered and safe community. HE is the only policemen, protector we have that can truly keep us from harm and the desires of the devil to steal, kill and destroy.

turning 34 and dealing with the everyday life

on may 28th i turned 34 years old. Wow how time has flown by, some may get depressed and down to see the number their age increase, but me i embrace every birthday God gives me. I hold on to every special moment i get to share with my husband, family and friends.

The past few weeks my crohn's symptoms have begun to increase again and mostly due to the intense stress i'm under.  My husband lost his job last thursday and now we are faced with some difficult decisions and possibly rocky roads in the very near future. But no matter what happens, and I know Jesus is there guiding and directing us.

I've really been digging into the bible and doing my daily bible studies and it's so amazing how clam and at peace i am after my bible study and even with every i am facing in this life, i am reassured through his word that He will take care of me.

The other night i was lying in bed and had a horrible panic attack hit me that
 lasted 2 hours. Fear had control of my mind and all the problems i am facing came crashing down on my shoulders and i could not bear the weight. So i got out my tablet and listened to the song below.  I listened to it and cried and in the midst of suffering and uncertainty i raised my hands and praised my Jesus even though i was so weak i could not even stand from the weight of my burdens. i found the strength to let them go because of Jesus and i listened  to the song and  a peace came over me and i was able to sleep peacefully.

link to song "didn't i walk on the water" https://youtu.be/TZHbIbkq5Ks

 When the music fades and the church services are over, and there are no lights or special programs to entertain and encourage us in our faith. Jesus, the bible and or salvation has to be enough to sustain our faith and relationship with Jesus. Because one day we all will get to the point where we cannot go to church as often as we want due to illness and there may not be someone coming to you to have church with you, what then? Will you have the faith to continue on in your relationship with Jesus and shout and praise His name and worship Him even when you are all alone and facing such adversity in life as you have never known? The only way my faith has sustained me through all i have been through is knowing that "I cannot even walk without Jesus holding my hand" and that i will learn to stand in the face of life's storms down on my knees in prayer. No music, no lights no fancy things to entertain or encourage, just Jesus and His word is what has sustained me.

When we can praise and worship our Lord while enduring suffering that is when you know Jesus is more powerful than anything the devil and this world can through at us ans He will take care of us.

The Sound Of Music, My Old Fourth Grade Teacher and The Story Of the Dead Squirrel

Last Saturday Jeremy and I went and spent the night at my mom's and then Sunday morning headed to lancaster to first go to my sister and brother in laws church, and then after Mom, Jeremy and I went to 5 guys burgers to eat lunch, where I saw my 4th Grade teacher Mr. Barnes for the first time in probably 20 years!!!  And for my husband to know who he was meeting I had to introduce Mr. Barnes as quote "this is the teacher I put the dead squirrel on his porch" end quote.  And now I'm sure you want to hear this story so here it goes.....

When I was 8 and a half years old my 4th grade teacher Mr. Barnes just so happened to also be my neighbor the year I was in his class. Well, one day my sister Autumn, a girl friend who lived up the alley from us named Channin (who was also a classmate of mine in Mr. Barnes's class), and I were playing outside in my yard. We looked over into the neighbors yard to the left of my house and saw a dead squirrel lying in their yard. Channin said that we should pick up the squirrel and put it on Mr. Barnes's porch (who was the neighbor to the right of my house) and write a note saying "ha ha ha". However, Channin was too chicken to go through with her great idea, and ended up daring me to do the deed. Now, I was the type who would never back down from a dare (even at age 8) and so with a handful of paper towels i grabbed from my house I picked that dead squirrel up by the tail and carried it, along with Channin's hand written "ha ha ha" note over to Mr. Barnes's pourch and laid the dead squirrel and the note with it and then Channin, my sister Autumn and I ran for our lives back into my house.

My mother comes into the livingroom and sees all 3 of us huddled around the front livingroom window looking out and asked what we were doing, and we told her what we had done. Now my mom being who she is and having the type of sense of humor she has actually didn't ground me or anything but instead stood at the window with us watching to see when and if Mr. Barnes would find his surprise!  About 10-15 minutes later we see Mr. Barnes come out of his house, walk down the steps of his porch and see the dead squirrel. He looks around trying to see if there is anybody outside that could have possibly done this to him, he then picks up the dead squirrel and carries it across his yard and throws it away in his trash can.  Now while all this is happening Channin, my sister, and I are laughing our heads off and my mom was laughing but also telling us we shouldn't have done it and we should not do it again.

Now fast forward to the next day.....I was sitting in class the next day and Mr. Barnes comes to my desk and asks me if I saw who put a dead squirrel on his porch.  I looked up at him as innocent as an angel with a halo around my head and said "no i didn't see anything" and he then says "well it must have been some of the teenagers in the neighbor hood." and then he walks back to his desk. While on the inside I'm grinning like the grinch in the cartoon when he comes up with his "awful idea" because I did something that adults only thought teenagers were capable of thinking of, and I was 8!!!!  Well Channin didn't sit too far from me and she leans over after hearing what Mr. Barnes asked me and says "I dare you to tell him the truth and tell him it was you!"  Of course another dare, and of course I could NOT back down!  So I raised my hand and Mr. Barnes calls on me, I look at him and say "Mr. Barnes, I put the dead squirrel on your porch." His eyes popped out of his skull, and he said in such a shocked voice "YOU!? MIRANDA!? YOU DID THAT!? I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!? I was so sure it was one of those teens! I never would have thought you would do that?!" and then he started laughing his head off! And all the kids in the class were just dumbfounded that me "quiet, innocent, little Miranda" would do such a thing! However, if you lived with me and knew me the way my parents and family do you would know my looks were very deceiving and I was always getting into something or coming up with some hair brained idea.

Crazy thing is Mr. Barnes never punished me or scolded me for doing it!!! He thought it was HI-larious. So much so that a few years later when my sister was in his 4th grade class, he stood up in front of the whole class and said pointing at my sister Autumn "would you like to know what her sister did to me when she was in my class a few years ago?" And proceeded to tell his new students about the little blonde girl named Miranda who played one of the best pranks on him EVER!

Mr. Barnes and I 25 years after I was in his class!

This happened 25 years ago!!! And when I saw Mr. Barnes at the 5 Guys Restaurant last Sunday, we both still laughed our heads off about that dead squirrel. Now, I just wonder if come Monday if he told that story again to his current students at the school he is teaching at? I want to believe he did, because honestly that is a great story that should be shared with all in my opinion hahahahaha!

So after eating our lunch at 5 Guys Burgers. Jeremy, Mom and I headed to the Mall.  Mom and I watched a special 50th anniversary screening of "The Sound Of Music" and Jeremy being the manly man he is went and saw a movie he could enjoy since he is really not into romance musicals. It was so awesome to see the movie on the big screen like it was 50 years ago. Especially the wedding scene in the cathedral Oh my goodness I felt like I was literally in that big beautiful church. The Details of the carvings and designs were breath taking.  It's so great to have these experiences with my mom because she and I have always been movie buddies and now getting to see "The Wizard Of Oz" Gone With the Wind" and "The Sound Of Music" in theaters in less than a year has been an amazing time. And memories I will cherish forever.

By the time the day was over and we all got back to my mom's and then Jeremy and I drove home. My body was screaming in pain and I was bed ridden the rest of the night and for 2 straight days I was sick as a dog with the crohn's and also a Bladder infection (i get these every so often since i got crohn's for some reason more than likely due to the dehydration from the diarrhea) but it was worth it to have these memories. The bladder infection is gone thanks to meds and the crohn's pain has stayed at bay all week until today.

The only thing i was sad about last Sunday, was when Mr. Barnes and I were talking he asked me what I have been up to all these years.  I looked at him and said, "that is kinda a sad story" and when I shared with him about my fight with crohn's it was like I could literally see his heart break for me.  He hugged me and told me he was sorry, and I told him that today was a good day and I was enjoying it to the fullest and he was happy to see me so upbeat and positive in the face of such adversity.  But really when I see the sadness that fills peoples eyes when i tell them of what life has dealt me, I wish i could take that pain from them, because I'm so use to the pain it's as if I'm nearly immune to it now. But those who love me and care for me even after all these years it is so hard on them.

Sometimes I really hesitate in my mind whether to tell my story to those who I have not seen in many years and only remember me as the healthy, fearless, and head strong girl they knew years ago. And then I think "yes tell them" because the more people know about Crohn's the more awareness I can bring to my struggle and the 1.4 other million americans just like myself.  No I may not have gone to college, no I may not be able to hold down a job and am now disabled for the rest of my life, no I may never have children, but I am still Miranda, I am still fearless and head strong, I am a musician, an artist, a loving wife, a loving friend, and I have a servants heart to help others and help inspire others through my testimony and the Love of Jesus Christ. I may not look like much to the world when it comes to accomplishments and money.  But Jesus thinks I'm to die for and that's all that really matters.

I have come to terms with this disease, and I accept that this is my life until there is a cure found or I die. I am determined to make the best of every day I am giving whether good or bad happy or sad, as long as I'm still on this earth there is work for me to do for the Lord and there is still work for me to do and I will share my testimony and my talents until he takes me home to heaven. 

Spring Is Here and Change Is In The Air

Since my last post in March a lot has happened in my life....

1st my husband Jeremy and I are officially back together and in the next 2 months I will be moved back in to our home permanently.  We both are continuing to go to counseling seperately and together and making progress.

2nd I've been crocheting like a mad woman over the past 2 months.  After posting the blanket I made back in March I made another blanket for this same customer, and then my grandmother asked me to make her a set of placemats and a table runner for her dining table.  I don't have pics of the table set but hopefully in another week or so Grandma will have it out on her table for me to get a pic of.

Mitered Corner Afghan Throw I made the colors are brown and cream

 3rd. I'm still doing good with the Crohn's disease and so I was able to actually CANCEL a doctor's appointment for the first time EVER because I didn't need to go!!! I will see my GI doctor in 3 months!

However, I did have to be put on a new medication due to the water retention in my hands n feet that is caused mainly from the steroids I was on for nearly 2 years.  But I luckily have been watching my salt intake more closely and being more active, that i only have to take a water pill once a week usually.

I'm continuing to still have more good days than bad and have been going out so much and being more independent that after 5 years of not needing to have one, I once again have a Cellphone!!!

Last month I even drove all the way to my sister's house and spent the day with her!!! She lives an hour away from me and this was the first time EVER since being sick that I have driven that far from home by myself! We had a great day we went to an antique store at the mall and I found some awesome old records and old 45s I can't wait to go back and visit the store again.  Then we went to 5 Guys Burgers which I had never eaten at before and they were delicious! Then we went back to her house and we watched Big Hero Six and made cookies! It was a perfect day.

And now this month I'm heading back to my sister's house with my mom because on April 19th at the movie theater near where my sister lives they are showing The Sound Of Music in theater for it's 50th Anniversary!!!! My mom and I can't wait to see it for the first time in our lives on the big screen.  It's going to be like when we went to see Gone With The Wind last year. 

Oh and I forgot, last month, Jeremy and I went to our first Christian concert in 5 yrs due to me being so sick with the Crohn's!!  We went and saw Jason Crabb and it was such a blessing to be able to see Jason perform "through the fire" which is one of the songs I've listened to since my diagnoses to get me through the bad days.  When he sang that song, the tears just flowed down my face and I stood and praised my Jesus because I was able to be well enough to hear him sing the song that has helped me so much.

"Shells and Chords" Crocheted Afghan I made for a Customer

A friend of mine placed an order for an afghan throw a couple weeks ago. She said she wanted it in cream and light brown trim. Which left a lot of room for my artistic imagination to go wild with the pattern design.

So, i started going through a new pattern book i have not used yet and found the pattern "Shells and Chords" and I thought it was so elegant also gave the blanket a 3D look to it due to the raised stitching.  Below is the finished product and my customer is Thrilled with the finished product and hopefully her step daughter will be too when she receives if for Christmas this year.

Shells and Chords Afghan Throw

close up of the body and border stitching

Long As I Live Performed by Miranda Caverley

My Cover of John Michael Montgomery's "Long As I Live"
for Valentines Day 2015, Requested by my mom Becky.

JMC Vlog Episode 45 Snow storms and Milestones

I share a big milestone in my fight against Crohn's Disease

In my last vlog I was sharing about my "week of crohn's hell" I was dealing with. Thankfully that Crohn's flare only lasted a week and after 2 weeks of fighting to get my strength back and get food and nutrients back in my body, I was well enough to accomplish something awesome (to me anyway) that I have not been able to do in over 5 years!!!

JMC VLog Episode 44 The Return Of Crohn's

After over a week a severe crohn's disease symptoms it appears I am officially in a Crohn's flare and Lord only knows when it will end. Update on my not too good condition and also what I am doing inspite of being so sick

Link to blog post of about my wizard of oz inspired "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Crocheted Afghan I made for myself.
http://mirandacwrites.blogspot.com/2015/02/my-wizard-of-oz-inspired-somewhere-over.html

My Wizard Of Oz Inspired "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Crocheted Afghan

After years of crocheting things for other people, I FINALLY made myself something!!! Below is my Mitered Corner patterned, Wizard Of Oz inspired afghan I call my "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Afghan

The blanket measures 52 inches by 52 inches and is the perfect throw blanket to snuggle up in.  And No matter how sick I am with the crohn's disease when I cuddle up in this blanket I smile and feel good. 

I am taking orders for this blanket and the cost is 55 dollars.  If you want to learn more how to place an order email me at dawningmiranda1@yahoo.com

A Picture Of Me Without You Performed By Miranda Caverley

A few months ago, my grandparents asked me to learn and record this song for them because it is one of their favorites. So, this one is for you Grandma (Deb) and Poppy (Rex)

Link For FREE Download of this song
http://www.reverbnation.com/jmcministries/song/22767133-a-picture-of-me-without-you

Mary's Little Lamb Performed By Miranda Caverley

FREE DOWNLOAD OF THIS SONG

http://www.reverbnation.com/jmcministries/song/22733887-marys-little-lamb

30 years ago I first heard this song "Mary's Little Lamb" on a southern gospel tape by a local Ohio musician Debbie Meyers. My Aunt Lori played the drums for her group and also played the drums on the album.

For a 3 year old to hear her aunt on a real album blew my mind and I dreamed to be a musician one day. So I would sit at my little play piano or play drum set and play along with Debbie's album.

The song "Mary's Little Lamb" was and obviously still is one of my favorites to listen to and now play.

To be able to record my own version of this beautiful song is coming full circle in my life at 33 years old. And I can say that I have accomplished a dream. I have been playng drums professionally for 20 years and playing piano for 13 years for Jesus and I give him all the Glory for my talent and I just want to continue to share the love of Jesus through my music.

I hope this song blesses you as much as It does me.

JMC Vlog Episode 43 Church, Crocheting, and Smiles

I Was well enough to go to church with my husband yesterday.
My Etsty shop Miranda Dawn Creations, where you can buy my crocheted items
https://www.etsy.com/shop/mirandadawncreations
Letter I received from a homeless child (warning grab a box of tissues)
http://mirandacwrites.blogspot.com/2015/01/warning-grab-you-box-of-tissues-letter.html

Warning! Grab You A Box of Tissues: Letter I Received From A Homeless Child

If this doesn't break your heart, then you do not have one.

Below is a picture of the letter a 11 yr old homeless girl wrote to me.  She lives in one of the homeless shelters I donate my Smitten Mitten Expedition items to every year.  This little girl saw one of the employees at the shelter wearing a earwarmer headband, twisty scarf and handwarmers that I had made for the employee.  And asked if I would make her a set.  So the little girl sat down and wrote me this letter, and I made her the head band in the picture you see below and I made her a set of matching handwarmers because I didn't have enough of that color yarn to make a twisty scarf.  The little girl received her gift last week and they fit her perfectly and she is so happy.  And this is why I do what I do, if I can bring a smile even to just one homeless child then all the hours of crocheting these hats, scarves, hand warmers and ear warmer headbands are worth it. 

Even as sick as I am and not able to go many places or do many things as I use to, to help people in need. God is still using me and although it may be just a small child's headband, it is more precious than silver or gold because it brought a smile to the face of a homeless child.

JMC Vlog Episode 42 Remission, Seperation, Healing

It's been 7 long months since my last vlog and a lot of changes have
happened in my life some good and some sad. But its my life and I'm
living it the best I can and enjoy every good day to its fullest.

It's a New Year And I'm Ready

On my way home tonight from counseling with my husband Jeremy, I heard this song "Lord I'm Ready Now" by the Christian Artist Plumb and realized this is my song and my testimony for 2015.  And that I want to dedicate this song to my husband Jeremy and to my Jesus because it truly speaks what I can't put into words of what I want to say about everything that has happened in my past and I'm ready to heal from the past and move forward being the real me and not who I thought I was or needed to be.

I'm not afraid of who I am, I accept who I am and all my short coming and limitations.  But I am striving to move forward and be the best me I can be so that I can have a health marriage, and healthy relationships with my friends and loved ones.

I don't have to make a new years resolution because I'm already doing it and accomplishing it in leaps and bounds. I thank God for my counselor, I thank God for loving family and friends who have supported me through all I have been through in my life and stood by me as we have struggled through this darkness of "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" and I'm so thankful for all the support as I continue to battle Crohn's Disease and surviving the bad days it throws my way and enjoying and cherishing every good day I am blessed with.

I'm ready to live my life, not just survive it in 2015......Lord, I'm Ready NOW!!!