I Will Walk Through This Valley If You Want Me To

A long restless night for both Jeremy and I, trying to cope with the
bad news we got yesterday from the GI doctor. Jeremy and I cried off
and on all evening yesterday. He asks God "WHY?" "Why does MIranda have
to go through so much?" "Why don't you just take her home to heaven?"
"Why does Miranda have to suffer?"

I'm asking myself the same questions in my head. Why? So after a night of troubled sleep, tossing
and turning I think I know the answer to, Why?

All I can think, is that there are people God wants me to meet inside the hospital where
I am going to go for my Chemotherapy treatment and that I am to share
HIS love and hope with them. And the only way I can share the love and
hope of Jesus with these people is to go through this darkness and
sickness. I am desperately praying for purpose in the face of such
adversity, and that God IS working all things for my good through this
new treatment I am facing. 

Getting this news from my doctor was hard to take, but I'll be honest
what was harder was making all those phone calls to friends and family
to tell them this bad news. With every phone call, I felt like i was
ripping their hearts out. Watching my husband lie on the floor in our
living room sobbing and punching pillows because there is nothing else
to take his anger or frustration out on. These are the things that
breaks me. But today, I am just holding on to God's promises and know
He is with me every step of the way through this next step in my fight
against Crohn's Disease, and praying that this chemotherapy treatment
will NOT be in vain and that it will work and I will get back into
remission