Trusting God To Provide Part 2

As in my previous post I said I had some other things to share.

Part 2 is about what happened at my appointment with the colon/rectal surgeon appointment I had nearly a month ago.

The surgeon could not even do an examination of my bottom because he discovered I have 2 fissures in my rectum. Fissures are tears or open wounds on the colon/rectum and are extremely painful. And in my condition they are not going to get better says my gi doctor so I am to call the surgeon back after Christmas and make another appointment for another examination, but this time the gi doc wants the surgeon to put me under anesthesia so he can do a full examination and see what all is going on and if I may need surgery to heal these fissures and hemorrhoids.

My body is literally starting to fall apart due to have diarrhea and vomiting every day for the past 6 years straight.

The surgeon also said he believes I have another disease/condition besides crohns disease that is causing such extreme symptoms and problems. But they really don't know what that disease/condition is.

So we just have to keep leaning on The Lord and have faith that he will provide. Provide the doctors with the knowledge and answers to help me.

So now I have got everything out and I feel better for writing it and not keeping all this bottled up inside and sitting here worrying and not talking about it.

One day at a time is how I deal with everything. Make it through today and hope for a better tomorrow.

Trusting God To Provide

Since my last update just over a month ago, we've had some new developments.

First, I got a letter from Medicare/govt. Run health insurance that I no longer qualify for any kind of help to pay for the crohn's medication I'm currently on, because my husband now has a job since graduating from college. So to stay on my current medication I need to come up with nearly 700 dollars every 2 months to pay for the medication, and if I would go on a different medication it will be even more expensive and I still will not get any help. In the past year to help pay for the nearly 700 dollar copay every 2 months I got help through my health insurance and also a non profit organization. But both go by how much your income is and they also don't take into effect how many bills you have to pay each month either, and due to this life long disease we are so much in debt to medical bills, even with insurance that we have no money to save or to even help pay on the copay for the crohn's medication. 

I talked to my doctor and they have done everything they can to get me help and literally between the doctors office and me making calls myself to numerous charity organizations and even to the crohn's and colitis foundation locally and nationally, there is no help for me. And I also found out that there are many people in my same situation, they have health insurance but it doesn't cover enough to make the medications we desperately need affordable to us.

So as of January first I will no longer be on any medication to fight this disease. And the only medication that is affordable to me is a Med that I have already tried and hasn't worked, but it is the only thing we have to try if my health starts to deteriorate more than what it already has. We have to pray that some way some how the govt. Will change their ruling on giving people assistance for these extremely expensive meds and give people like me help. Pray that God heals me, and that doctors and scientists find a cure for this disease. Because no matter how rich you are no one can afford to pay out this much for medication for the rest of their lives.

There is also more bad news but I will save that for another day. It may seem everything is out of control, but I know God has it all under control and he will make a way for me and take care of me.

I'm Still Here And I'm Still Fighting

It's been just over a month since my last post.  So it's time to make a new update. 

Made it through Halloween without wanting to strangle someone with all the candy and food around that I can't eat. 

And to combat the depression that sometimes can come with celebrating Holidays that I can't partake in Jeremy and I had a Wizard Of Oz party last month!  We had family come over and had a wonderful time watching the 75th Anniversary Edition of the Wizard Of Oz along with a few Halloween show favorites like "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" And "Garfield's Halloween Adventure"

Me In my Oswald The Lucky Rabbit Hat At The Party

A Big thanks to Jeremy for being the best host EVER. I was able to just sit and not stress or strain my body anymore than it was and I was able to enjoy having my family with me in my home all together for the first time. 

And Thanks To the new medicine the doctor put me on to help with my stomach spasms and intestinal spasms.  I have not been throwing up as much.  Instead of throwing up every other day.  I'm throwing up at the most 2 times for the whole week!!! And I don't dry heave like I use to constantly, I do that a few times a week now instead of daily.  But my other symptoms are still not under control, the daily running to the bathroom 6-10 times a day has not let up, the severe intestinal pains that double me over and lay me up in bed, and there are still days during the week I'm stuck in bed either due to side effects of the medicines or because of Crohn's Disease its self. 

Yesterday I had to break down and actually take a pain pill for the first time in over 4 months! For some reason that even the doctors don't know I continue to have severe intestinal pains, and yesterday was the worst I've had in 4 months.  For 24 hours I was in Constant out of control pain with no relief.  And by yesterday morning I was at the end of myself.  So I took to facebook and asked my friends to pray for me that God would ease my pain.  I spent majority of the day in bed in a fetal position, taking pain pills, and watching cartoons, because we all know watching cartoons when you're really sick always helps, or so I think. 

My friends started writing that they were praying for me and I truly believe in the power of prayer.  Because whenever I ask people to pray for me that God ease my suffering.  God always listens and my pain did subside enough to where it was bearable, and when Jeremy came home at 7p.m. last night from work I was able to be up out of bed and enjoy the evening with him.  And my pain level was manageable that I went to bed last night and slept the whole night!

And the only problem this morning was I threw up, so I took some medicine to stop the nausea and spasms and haven't had too bad a day I must say.  Even though another symptom decided to pop up this afternoon.  I don't know if it's a side effect from the meds or the disease. But every so often My hands and feet will break out in tiny blisters and after they pop my hands and feet look like I've had a bad sunburn because my skin starts to peel.  It doesn't really hurt it's just weird, then it goes away for a few months and then randomly it will pop up again.  Just like the boils/sores that have been popping up on my torso for over 3 years.  I use aloe vera to treat with and it helps heal it up. 

In 2 weeks from today I will be at Ohio State University East Hospital seeing a surgeon about what needs to be done about these hemorrhoids that this disease has caused and whether I need surgery or treatment to help them.  I'm nervous yes because no one wants to have to go through surgery no matter how minor or severe.  But my good friend and second Mom Dawn is taking me and she always is such a comfort.

But right now unlike the past 2 years I do not have any doctor's appointments until after the holidays and I really hope it stays that way.  And that this body will allow me to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family.  That's what I want for Christmas to be well enough to spend it with my family, oh and for a Cure for Crohn's Disease. 

I guess that is it for now, I will give another update once I've seen the surgeon and we get some more answers as to what we are doing next.  God Bless

3 month Follow up with GI Doctor and Getting Test Results

Yesterday My Mom, and Grandma (my dad's mom) Took me back to OSU to see my GI doctor for my 3 month follow up. And also get the test results from the mostly failed MRI Test I attempted to do 2 weeks ago. 

The GI doctor to break it down and just put the facts in said, that even though I didn't finished the MRI test that they did still get some good pictures, and that I do still have a small amount of active Crohn's Disease where my Small Intestine and Large Intestine meet.  They could also see that due to having Crohn's for so many years that went undiagnosed and treated that alot of my small intestine is scared from Crohn's.  But that they can't seem to still figure out why I keep being sick to my stomach/vomiting, and having such extreme symptoms when the Crohn's is a mild case now.  The only thing they can think (meaning they really don't know and are pulling at strings at this point to think of something) is that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and my stomach and intestines are constantly going into spasms on top of Crohn's disease.

So the GI doctor didn't take me off Humira injections and added another medication to my ever growing med list. This one is called Bental and it is to help stop the Spasms in my stomach and intestines.

However, I have to share some of the dumb stuff that my doctor said and his associate doctor (student doctor) said to me.....

1st the student doctor commented on the inflammation in my liver, he said that if I would lose weight that my liver would get better.  REALLY! YOU THINK I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED TO LOSE WEIGHT, I MEAN LOOK AT ME!  I told the student doctor that I wold love to lose this weight and if he could tell me how I'm to do that when I can't eat anything but carbs, can't exercise, every day having diarrhea and sometimes vomiting. other days i can't hardly eat anything so I'm constantly switching back and forth from starvation and then I'm on medications that won't let me lose weight.  I told him if he has an answer to how to help me to lose weight I would love to hear it.....He didn't say a word after I said that

2nd the my GI doctor starts asking me about my diet and he asks me if I eat foods with sugar in them.....I eat carbs and breads all the time of course I'm eating foods with sugar in them!!!! I have to drink gatorade sometimes when i'm so sick i can't eat or drink much and to try and get some vitamins i do drink half a glass when I can certains days of apple juice or grape juice.  So yeah sadly i do eat foods with sugars DUH!!! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I EAT, I TOLD HIM! I can eat crackers and drink water and i throw that up!

Then after the appointment they did more blood work to check my levels and see if I have any infection in my system that i may not be aware of.  And then Grandma, mom and I headed home.....and that's when things got even worse!

On our way home we stopped at Bob Evans Restaurant in South Bloomfield Ohio to eat lunch. After eating lunch Grandma either left her wallet on the table or dropped it out of her bag, we really don't know. And before we even left the restaurant someone in the section we were seated at grabbed the wallet and stole it!  Grandma had gone to the bathroom and I was waiting for her at the exit doors and she said coming out of the bathroom that her purse felt too light and when she looked in it her wallet was gone!  We have an idea of who stole it because there was only 3 people seated in our area of the restaurant.  We called the police, made a report and Grandma in less than 2 hours had her bank card and all credit cards cancelled but the thief or thieves do have her drivers license and also her social security card and some cash! But it was all reported before the thieves could do anything and if they try to sign up for credit cards or use her ss number or anything they will be immediately arrested. 

As if we didn't already have enough to deal with,  this had to happen!!!!  I just felt so sick knowing this happened and in the end it made me sicker being under even more stress. But my mom took me home and her and I spent the rest of the day together listening to old records and drinking exotic tea from Africa. 

WHAT IS TO COME IN THE NEXT MONTH:

There is a very big problem Crohn's has called and it is literally a pain in my Butt! Hemorrhoids!  Due to having constant diarrhea every day for 6 years I have got internal hemorrhoids and they HURT! The GI doctor has referred me to a Rectal/Colon Surgeon to see what he can do to help me and I see him for my first appointment next month Nov. 19th and see if I need to have surgery to remove the hemorrhoids or some type of treatment to help the hemorrhoid/hoids.

And then I go back to the GI doctor in Feb. 2014 so let us hope for this holiday season I can have a good season without stress and can just enjoy the holidays with my family and hubby.

So when I see the surgeon I will post a new blog update and let you know.  But for now this is the end of this blog segment and Chaos and craziness is still trying to tear me down, but Thank God that My God is Greater and He that is in me is great than that, that is in the world

Car Accident's, Bachelor Degrees, and Stress OH MY!

Oh where to begin? Because so much has happened in just  a short time.

But I will start on Friday August 23, 2013 for this blog entry.  That afternoon I receive a call from my husband who was driving home from work.  He calls and tells me he has just been in a 5 car pile-up!  He was sitting at a red light stopped and a big Pickup truck 3 vehicles back driven by a young man who wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and was speeding, slammed into a truck, then that truck was pushed into another truck, and then that truck was pushed into my husband’s car, and then my husband’s car just bumps the car in front of him. 

the damage doesn't look that bad, but when looked at from inside the trunk and underneath it was discovered that the frame of the car was pushed into the truck

The young man was cited for causing the whole accident.  His parents insurance has taken full responsibility for the accident.  Jeremy’s car was a total loss due to the damage of the back of the car.  The Frame of the car was pushed into the truck when looked at from underneath, the car was a total loss.  So to make a long story a little shorter, we came to a deal with the insurance company and was able to purchase and 2010 Hyundai Elantra on Labor Day (Last Monday). 

our new car 

At the time of the accident Jeremy didn't seek medical treatment because he didn't appear to be hurt.  But 2 days later he started having problems with his neck and right leg.  I took him to the chiropractor this past Saturday and it appears Jeremy has whiplash and after the results from his 4 x-rays come in the doctor will be contacting us about a treatment plan.  I thank God it’s no worse than that. 

So we thought this accident was behind us, got a new car, getting treatment for the whiplash everything is good. NOT!!!!! 

After Jeremy’s Chiropractor appointment on Saturday we came home to find a Subpoena in the mail for Jeremy!!!!

Jeremy has to appear in court This Friday 13^th to be a witness for the city of Columbus.  Because the young man who caused this accident decided to fight the ticket he received.  So Jeremy plus the other 3 victims of this 5 car pile-up and along with the officer who took the report for the accident have been subpoenaed to court as well to give their testimonies on what happened the day of the accident. 

So Jeremy has to miss work, and loose wages because of this. And I’m sure the other victims have to miss work and loose wages as well.  It’s just victimizing the victims again.

The Stress Jeremy and I have been is outrageous.  I truly thought Jeremy was going to have a nervous breakdown over the past few weeks.  And I trying to take care of everything because Jeremy is at work all day and can’t be reached nearly ended me up at the Emergency room because I pushed my body so much it was giving out on me, and Crohn’s and Stress nearly took me out.  I literally ran places every day for 2 weeks and when I wasn't out running to get things done so we could get a new vehicle, I was home on the phone from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. nearly every day making or taking phone calls and responding and writing emails to the insurance companies, car dealers, and family. 

And the fact it’s still not over with and now Jeremy has to go to court this Friday is almost too much for me to handle. 

And to top it all off this accident was the 3^rd car accident Jeremy has been in, in less than a year!  The first accident happened on Sept. 5^th and it was my fault, Jeremy was a passenger.  The 2^nd Accident happened exactly 2 months later on Nov. 5^th Jeremy was sitting at a red light stopped and a woman who was drunk and also high on drugs hit him from behind.  The woman was also driving without any insurance.  So she went to jail and we had to pay out of our own pockets to fix Jeremy’s bumper.  Now fast forward to 9 months later and Jeremy is in this 5 car pile-up.

We thought we were going to get a break from catastrophe in our lives because the week of the accident, Jeremy officially graduated college with his Bachelor’s degree in Communications, Made the Dean’s List, and had just started his new job in Black Lick Ohio (an hour drive from our home).   We had our car paid off, were ready to start paying off some of our debt before Jeremy’s loans from college kicked in, in 6 months and if Jeremy’s job hired him on full time permanent we were ready to move to Reynoldsburg, Gahanna, or Black Lick. But now we are in more debt due to having to buy this new car and will be paying on it for the next 4-5 years, so we can’t pay off some of our debt like we wanted to before his loans kick in.  Our vehicle insurance has now taken hike due to us buying a newer vehicle, and now Jeremy will possibly loose a whole day’s wages because he has to go to court this Friday.  And we can’t move closer to Jeremy’s work because rent is 2-3 hundred dollars more a month than what we pay now, and with all these new expenses we just can’t afford it.

Oh and also due to all this stress and strain, Jeremy and I are nearly on the verge of splitting up. Our marriage is literally holding on by a thread at this point, and we are trying to hold it together and lean on God to help us through because only he can help us and heal what has been broken.

Our 6^th Wedding anniversary is coming up on Sept. 22^nd and I just praying we can hold on and make it to our special day. Maybe that will be a day for a miracle.

This is just part of what has happened in less than a month, I will continue this update in my next blog. And luckily it is happy news and I can’t wait to share it with you.  

Scriptures that Help Me Through The Worst Days Of Fighting Crohn's Disease

Below is a list of Scriptures that I read when I am facing the worst days in my fight against Crohn's Disease.  You will notice that they are all from the book of Psalm.  The Psalms have always been a great comfort to me from the time of my late teens and even today.  The words of David are so honest and just plainly say what he wants to say while in his hour of distress and they always bring me hope and help me through the days that as I call them, "days I have to ask God to help me to just keep breathing."  I hope they help and inspire you.

Psalm 34

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.

¹⁸ The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 40

Faith Persevering in Trial

1.  I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.

² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

Psalm 41

³ The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness;
You will sustain him on his sickbed.

Psalm 57:1

 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.

Psalm 69

¹⁷ And do not hide Your face from Your servant,
For I am in trouble;
Hear me speedily.

¹⁸ Draw near to my soul, and redeem it;
Deliver me because of my enemies.

 

²⁹ But I am poor and sorrowful;
Let Your salvation, O God, set me up on high.

Psalm 91

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

³ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler^[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
⁴ He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
⁵ You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
⁸ Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

⁹ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
¹⁰ No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
¹¹ For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
¹² In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

¹⁴ “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
¹⁵ He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

Psalm 94

¹⁷ Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
¹⁸ If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
¹⁹ In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 103

1. Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
² Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
³ Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
⁴ Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
⁵ Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.

Psalm 107

¹³ Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
And broke their chains in pieces.
¹⁵ Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
¹⁶ For He has broken the gates of bronze,
And cut the bars of iron in two.

Psalm 116

Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Death

1. I love the Lord, because He has heard
My voice and my supplications.
² Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

³ The pains of death surrounded me,
And the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me;
I found trouble and sorrow.
⁴ Then I called upon the name of the Lord:
“O Lord, I implore You, deliver my soul!”

⁵ Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
⁶ The Lord preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.
⁷ Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

Psalm 118

¹⁷ I shall not die, but live,
And declare the works of the Lord.
¹⁸ The Lord has chastened me severely,
But He has not given me over to death.

Psalm 121:1-8

God the Help of Those Who Seek Him

1. I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
⁸ The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

JMC Vlog Episode 38: JMC VS Hospital Billing Dept. JMC Wins

This episode covers our continued fight with a certain hospital billing dept.

This Most current incident with this billing department involves one of the employees taking money out of our bank account illegally without our authorization to force payment on a bill that we had already paid off. We share our fight from July 17-July24th to get our money back and also to talk to a supervisor so that this NEVER happens again and that action be taken against the person who did this to us.

We also share tips on how if this ever happens to you, how you can win this fight. Because no one should be bullied or harassed for paying their bills.

People Like You Will Be The Death Of ME!!!!

After waiting a month to do an MRI on my pelvis and abdomin to see what is going on inside me.  I ended up having to cancel the test yesterday because I was too sick to hold down the 3 bottles of barium they wanted me to drink to do the test.

And finally after 14 months of telling my GI doctor that even though I am on zofran (anti vomiting meds) they don't stop me from vomiting every day at least once a day.  So FINALLY yesterday since I was so sick and had to cancel the test he did a med change and put me on phenergan suppositories up to 4 times a day. So Jeremy helps give me this medicine since it is taken through the anus and not the mouth.  But it has a done a wonders for me in just 24 hours.

Our plan for this new medicine is for me to take it around 8p.m. at night and then Jeremy set an alarm for 6 hours later and give me the medicine again. Because doing this last night allowed me for the first time in years to sleep soundly through the night.  I woke up with no nausea or vomiting or even the slightest stomach pain! And for the first time in years I feel rested.

So we are praising God for this medicine and hopefully next the doctor will change my Crohn's medicine so we can get the other symptoms like diarrhea, fatigue, extreme intestinal pain under control.

                               

Now let me move onto why I name the title of this blog "People Like You Will Be The Death Of Me!"

As I began taking the first round of the new anti vomiting medicine, Jeremy made a post on his facebook about the new med change and how we are hoping this new med will relieve some of my symptoms.

About an hour later, a woman who is on Jeremy's friend list, but has NEVER EVER written him, spoken with him or anything, is a complete stranger writes something like this as a comment to Jeremy's post "Miranda needs to stop all her meds....There is a man I have read about his name is.... he had and incurable disease....the doctors put him on all these meds that only hurt him.....He finally went off all his meds.....told God that if you heal me God I will serve you for the rest of my life.....Miranda needs to do this and also buy these 2 books and try these 2 diets and she will be healed"

I nearly exploded! For someone to say this is RIDICULOUS!!! THE WOMAN HAS NO IDEA WHAT MY DISEASE IS OR ANYTHING! SHE ALSO TALKED AS THOUGH I WASN'T EVEN A CHRISTIAN AND IF I JUST SERVE GOD AND DEVOTE MY LIFE TO GOD I WILL SURELY BE HEALED!

I gave my life to Jesus Christ at the age of 12 years old, I am preachers kid so I was in church before I ever came out of my mommy's womb.  I have been actively working in the church and using my gifts for God since I was 15 years old when I started playing drums for churches. LONGGGGG Before I ever got sick.  I was serving God, the Church, and my community up to the day I got sick 6 years ago.  My job outside of church was taking care of the sick and dying, I was an STNA State Certified Nursing Assistant.

Here is what I wanted to tell this woman, NO ONE IS IMMORTAL IN THIS WORLD! No one will get out of this world alive! We ALL are going to die of some kind of disease or illness.  God Will NOT heal our bodies completely from disease and illness while we live on planet earth, because our bodies are mortal and will die, but God can and does ease my suffering and sometimes it is through the medicines I take, along with his healing touch.  I KNOW I WILL BE HEALED COMPLETELY FROM ALL DISEASE AND SUFFERING, THAT IS MY FAITH IN ACTION THAT ONE DAY I WILL GO TO HEAVEN WHERE THERE IS NO MORE DEATH, NO MORE SUFFERING OR PAIN.  But for now that is why Jesus said he would send the COMFORTER (Holy Spirit) to help us through these hard times we face in life.

To tell God that I will only serve him and give my life to him IF he heals me, is LUDICROUS AND A SMACK IN THE FACE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR! For even Jesus had to suffer and die to save us, if HE OUR GOD WAS NOT IMMUNE TO SUFFERING, PAIN AND DYING HOW CAN WE EXPECT TO NOT GO THROUGH A SMALL AMOUNT OF WHAT HE WENT THROUGH?!

FOR ME TO STOP TAKING MY MEDICINE, STOP GOING TO DOCTORS AND CONTINUING TO TRY AND FIND THE RIGHT TYPE OF TREATMENT TO HELP EASE MY SUFFERING, WOULD BE THE SAME AS GIVING UP AND SAYING I'M GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!

I will NOT stop fighting this disease! I will NOT allow people like you with your CRAZY FALSE DOCTRINE to hinder me! Because God is the author of Wisdom and Knowledge and he gives it freely to those who ask (Read 1st and 2nd Chronicles about the life of Solomon) and I know God, has given my doctors, and nurses knowledge even if it is a small amount (because my disease is such a question mark to many doctors on what to do) on how to help me and ease my suffering, through different treatments and medicines that are out there.

Everyone Jesus Miraculously healed from physical ailments even death, inevitably died in the end of something else that afflicted their bodies.  NO one is immune to death! Only Through Christ do we have hope that when we die we will be given new bodies that will live forever.

But for now, I will continue to do my ministry work whether it be a lot like I use to do or a little.  But I will continue to serve God and hold on to the Promises he has spoken through his word.

That is what I want to say to this woman......However, I could see this woman going over to Joni Earekson Tada's Page and tell her to get up out of her wheelchair and just walk after over 30 years of being in a wheel chair and in the face of her disability serving God all this time.  That's how crazy this whole thing is.  But the woman is now blocked and deleted and will never be allowed to spew her craziness on me or Jeremy ever again.  But I have to wonder, when this woman comes to the end of her life, and she is facing death will she still be trying to make deals with God, like she has told me and I'm sure so many others, and try to hold on to this world that has NOTHING to offer us and is NOT our home? Or will she reach out to the Savior and allow him to guide her home and to a new body that will not die and that you will not have to supposedly wheel and deal for a miracle?

JMC Vlog Episode 37: Colonoscopies, Endoscopies, Dermatologists, and MRI's

haven't done a vlog in 6 months because of my health continuing to deteriorate. Warning there is no good news about my continued fight with Crohn's. But the good news is God's grace is sufficient and my faith is stronger than ever before and I thank God that one day my suffering on earth will be over and will go home to heaven.

A Poem Sent To Me About How Crohn's Disease Makes My Friends and Family Feel

Today I received the below poem from my Facebook Friend Virginia who is from Colorado.  The poem was originally posted by another of my facebook friend Sabine who lives in Ireland and through these 2 women I was blessed to read just how much my disease affects my friends and family.  This poem truly puts into words what it is like to watch someone you love fight and suffer from an incurable disease.  

My friend Virginia is fighting Leukemia and at times what she and I go through with our diseases is very similar as to what the diseases do to our bodies. I have never met Virginia face to face, but we are always there for each other when we are having a bad day and need to vent and write someone.  She has had a very hard time of watching and reading what I have been going through, because there are more treatments out there for cancer than there are Crohn's disease.  And Cancer gets alot more attention than Crohn's because there are more people who have it.  I am just one of 700,000 people in the U.S alone who is fighting Crohn's/Inflammitory Bowel Disease compared to the millions of people who are fighting cancer in the U.S.  

Virginia has begun posting things about Crohn's disease on her facebook and is one of my great supporters on facebook/social media.  Thank you Virginia for sharing this poem and allowing so many to know how you and others feel as you have to watch me fight against this disease.  

 

I watched you suffer
Watched you heave
While you leaned forward and poured
Your broken spirit
On my compassionate soul
I wanted to reach out
Reach out and touch your heart
My dear and only friend
Oh how it pains to see you fall apart

But the ties we had
The lies, the sighs
Have become your living wake
As I tried to heal your spirit
And blessed it while it ached
The weariness worn on
Has got you like a curse
And I, my sweet, unforgotten friend
Fear I may still know worse

Happy Birthday Miranda you have a new incurable illness along with the Crohn's Disease

I have finally forced myself to write a new blog and update on my condition and what has been happing since my last blog post when I was prepping to go into the hospital for my Upper GI and Colonoscopy.

March:

Had to stay 2 days in OSU hospital to prep and have my Upper GI and Colonoscopy.  Was one of the worst hospital stays ever because I was so violently sick trying to drink that horrible stuff to clean me out and prep for the tests.  Had to be given shots of pain meds and nausea meds every 4 hours.  My blood pressure and pulse got out of the control and they had to hurry and get me blood pressure meds in me to get it regulated again.

Finally got through the prep for the tests and the next day I had my procedures done.

The Results: Crohn's is not as bad as it was on my first colonoscopy almost 2 years ago they were actually able to finish this one when before I was so inflamed from the Crohn's being out of control that they couldn't even get the scope into my small intestine.  However, the Crohn's is NOT in remission and is active where my small intestine and large intestine meet.  Also I have ulcers through out my intestines, and I also have internal hemorrhoids.  So the Humira injections have helped a little but after 8 months of being on it there is no change and I am still running to the bathroom 6-10 times a day, diarrhea, vomiting, severe stomach and abdominal pain to the point at times I can't hardly walk or do anything but lie in bed until it passes.  I'm still not able to eat much other than noodles, potatoes, carrots, breads, applesauce, chicken, fish and rice.

Also In March I had another Gastric Emptying Scan to see about the Gastroparesis diagnosis.  The results showed that my stomach is slightly delayed at digesting my food, but not slow enough to officially diagnose me any longer with Gastroparesis, so that diagnosis has been removed and I am no longer on medication for Gastroparesis.  It appears all problems with my stomach are caused due to acid reflux and Crohn's.

April:

In April I had the STAPH Sores Return on my body that I have been fighting for 4 years now.  I went to a dermatologist and he says I have basically chronic STAPH infection and there is no cure for it.  The only thing to do is try and keep me away from people who may be caring STAPH and exposing me to it. Use a extreme anti bacterial wash once a week when the sores are under control and not flared up for the rest of my life and when they are flared use it every day until they get back under control again. And also use prescription antibiotic topical skin creams to heal the sores.

So when I was diagnosed with this new chronic illness, I had to immediately go off my Humira injections to help my Crohn's disease for a month.

I was finally able to start them back up again just this past Saturday after 4 weeks of being off it.

Oh also I'm in a fight basically with my GI doctor because he is now even after doing the colonoscopy and endoscopy and there is the proof that the crohn's is NOT in remission and still out of control. He believes, "that you need to see a psychologist and get cousneling, for your pain." He is saying that all this pain and my symptoms are all in my head and that he doesn't understand why I'm in so much pain and still having such severe symptoms.  UH maybe because I have ulcers in my intestines, and active Crohn's disease along with internal hemorrhoids.  All of which would cause pain when Poop is grinding against them.

So when I go back to see him at the end of June, this may be my last visit with him and we may have to again look for a new GI doctor, because if he doesn't do a med change and try something else to try and get me into remission so I can have some kind of a life again.  I'm done with him.  I've been seeing him for over a year now and he's only done one med change and the Humira is not getting me into remission and I feel no different after 8 going on 9 months.

This is already my 3rd GI doctor in 4 years and it's really sad because this doctor specializes in Crohn's disease patients and is at what is suppose to be one of the best hospitals in the whole U.S.A So where do you go from here when you're already suppose to be seeing the best?

My 32nd birthday is a week from today and I don't even care at this point. I'm too sick to do anything to celebrate it.  You really don't feel like celebrating your life when you have a incurable disease that has taken your life from you and now you have just been diagnosed with another incurable condition and will have to fight STAPH and possibly MRSA infections for the rest of your life, and if it gets too severe it could kill you with the way my immune system is so compromised if my body doesn't respond to the antibiotics. 

Preparing To Go Into The Hospital For My Upper GI and Colonoscopy

This week is going to be so hard.

On Wednesday Afternoon March 6th I am being admitted to Ohio State University Hopsital in Columbus to be monitored as I prep for my Colonoscopy and Upper GI Tests they will be running on me the next day March 7th.

Why I have to be admitted for the prep is because I get violently ill when having to do the prep and vomit up the stuff you're suppose to drink to clean your colon out.  And already being very ill and nausea's every day without even doing the prep my doctor decided it would be best to have me admitted since I had to be rushed to the emergency room the last time they tried to do a test like this and because they couldn't get my nausea, vomiting and pain under control. 

Jeremy will be spending the night with me at the hospital and he as well as my Mom will be with me the next day for the tests.

I'm not scared to do the tests it's the prep that scares me. On top of the prep making me sick.  I will not be allowed to take my medicine that helps me from getting nausea's and sick to my stomach, and without my meds I'm always violently ill, even more so than when I am taking them. 

Then Of course depending how good or bad I am doing after the tests I may end up staying in the hospital longer to recover.

So last week was spent getting the house cleaned and in order, so that we are ready for these tests and I can come home to a clean house and not have to worry about anything. 

Today was spent getting laundry done, printing out an updated list of my meds I'm on and packing the meds I might be able to take while in the hospital.

Tomorrow will be spent packing and making phone calls to find out when I will be admitted and also starting on a semi liquid/soft food diet to prepare for the tests. 

Then we leave to spend 2 days at OSU.

My only worry in doing all this, is that the doctor will not find out anything and will come back and tell me he can't figure out what is wrong with me and why i am not getting better. 

My prayer to God is to allow them to find something because 5 years of living this way is too much and Jeremy and i can't take anymore!

I'm so tired and so is Jeremy of day after day after day watching me in pain, the nights and days of vomiting and diarrhea and sleepless nights that never seem to end, is just becoming too much for him to handle.

Pray for us please we desperately need them.

One Of My Worst Fears Came True

Saturday Feb. 10, 2012 Jeremy took me to my Great Aunt Maggie's Memorial Service. My Aunt Maggie passed away from Alzheimer's and the family held her memorial service at the church my Granny and Aunt Linda attend. 

After the service the ladies from the church made a dinner for my family.  Well I decided to eat a small meal even though I knew I would be running to the bathroom right after.  I wasn't worried because the church had plenty of bathroom stalls in the womens bathroom to choose from if I needed to go.

Well, after eating I had to go.  I went to the bathroom all the way at the end like I always do so if I start to smell, I smell up the back of the bathroom and not the front where everyone is coming in.  So I'm sitting there doing my business, and I decide to do what is called a "complementary flush" because the bathroom was beginning to smell.  I flush the toilet while sitting on it, but after a few seconds I feel water hitting my butt! I stand up and the toilet is over flowing! I can't Stop it even though there was a plunger in the stall and I was plunging as fast as I could, along with my pants down around my ankles (yeah I was a sight to behold).

I'm standing in the stall plunging with my pants down around my ankles, and the water and what I had done in the toilet comes running over on the floor and goes everywhere.  At this point I just wanted to die! I'm in a public bathoom, the toilet has over flowed with poo and water all over the floor and I'm standing there with my pants down around my ankles all at the same time. One of my worst fears has just come true!

I pull my pants up and run out of the bathroom down the hall to where my family and friends are and tell my mom what has happened. Luckily my Aunt is the janitor for the church so she had her husband get in the janitors closet and get us a bucket of water and a mop.  And God Bless my husband! Because he went in the bathroom and cleaned up the mess so my Aunt wouldn't have too since I was already more than embarrassed.  We got the mess cleaned up and even though I was mortified my family was understanding and no one made fun of me or was mean.  I'm just happy it didn't happen around strangers because that would have been even worse and I think I would have dropped dead right there. 

Having Crohn's is bad enough but dealing with stuff like this especially in public makes it even worse, but thank God for a loving husband and family. 

FINALLY! Something Goes Right For A Change

So in my post yesterday I shared about once again fighting with this hospital over another medical bill.

Here is the link so you can read it for yourself and understand just what I go through on a monthly basis with this hospital.
http://www.mirandacwrites.blogspot.com/2013/02/caught-in-middle-once-again.html

Well, that was yesterday what I went through, today I get a phone call from the "cashier" at the hospitals billing department who I talked to yesterday. 

She informs me that the Medicare part of their billing dept. FINALLY located the payment from Medicare on this bill I've been fighting over since Dec. 2012. 

To make a long story short who ever was dealing with this payment from Medicare for this bill screwed up and sent this payment into the outerspace of their billing dept.'s computer billing system. 

So first good news is they have fixed the bill, second good news is I don't owe anything on this bill.  The Payment Medicare made covered the entire 598.00 dollar bill.

The Cashier also told me that my 2 other accounts with the hospital are fine and that if I should have anymore problems in the future to call her and not deal with their billing dept.

Praise God, for the little things right? Because I haven't had any good news in months about bills or my health. Nice to have a change.

Caught In The Middle Once Again

I get so tired of being caught in the middle of the fights between Medicare/health insurance companies and Hospitals billing departments.

Jeremy and I have been fighting Since my car accident on Sept. 5, 2012 to get Medicare to pay what was left on my emergency room visit for my accident after my vehicle insurance covered 2,000 dollars of the bill. Which left Medicare with 598.00 to cover 80 percent and leave me to cover the remaining 20 percent.

After months of fighting with Medicare to pay their part, they finally did on Dec. 17, 2012 and electronically paid the 80 percent and left with with a balance of $100.98.  However, in december I didn't know this and received a bill from the hospital (which I'm always having troubles with their billing dept.) saying I owed 598.00 dollars and that Medicare has refused to pay on this bill.

So for 2 months I have been fighting between Medicare saying they paid their part, and the hospital billing department saying Medicare hasn't and demanding me pay the bill.

Well today it all came to a head when after being threatened to be turned over to collections by the billing dept. of the hospital if I didn't make a payment on the bill by today.

So here is what all went down.

9a.m. this morning I get up out of bed vomiting and having diarrhea and all while trying to get ready to go out to the hospital to their "billing dept." to talk to someone in person and bring them my papers showing that Medicare says I should only owe 110.98

After vomiting, taking anti nausea/vomiting medicine, having 4 hits of diarrhea, and severe stomach and intestinal pains in just an hour, Jeremy gets me in the car to go to the hospital to try and work all this out.   A place I should NOT be going because I'm going to be exposed to so many germs, and illness and could place me in the hospital if I catch something, due to the fact I'm on Humira and my immune system and suppressed and I can't fight off viruses and infections.

So we make it to the hospital and go to the Cashier dept. I tell the woman what is going on and she can't do anything. Luckily her manager had come in right then and help, a little.  While waiting and hearing them saying to each other they don't know what is going on with this bill and they can't find the payment from Medicare. I'm getting worried this is another waste of time, and the waiting area is beginning to fill up with people.

After talking to her Manager about my bill the woman comes out to the waiting area to talk to me in front of all the other people there.  She tells me that they don't know where the payment from Medicare has gone and all they can do is make a copy of my paper work and resend it to their Medicare billing department which is in another state, yes another state! I ask this woman why in the world they're billing dept. is in another state, and she says, "we've gotten too big" and I thought, "with as many people in our county out of work you mean to tell me you'd rather outsource the billing dept. instead of keeping people in jobs here locally?" is what I wanted to say.

I broke down and cried I was so sick and frustrated that after all these months and coming all the way out to the hospital this still isn't fixed.  I tell the woman through my tears that I am fighting with their billing dept. nearly every month over a bill because they keep messing up and then I'm the one who's caught in the middle and threatened with being turned over to collections because they can't get it together. I also tell her about my disease and how it is very dangerous for me to have to come out here to the hospital and be exposed to all the germs and viruses going around with the medication I'm on.

Jeremy told the woman too that he spends some days up to 4 hours on the phone trying to get these bills fixed  nearly every month.

And everyone in that waiting room heard it all, one man told me "you get them girl" another elderly man who was a Navy Veteran told Jeremy "that's the way to handle it."

The cashier lady told me, that I shouldn't have to keep fighting like this and that it was wrong that the billing dept. threatened to turn me over to collections if I didn't come in here today and make a payment.  A payment she says I don't need to pay until they get this bill fixed.

She also said I shouldn't have to come in here and be exposed to all the germs and viruses with the disease I have and as sick as I am. So she gave me her name and number there at the hospital and told me to call her from now on if I couldn't get anywhere with the billing dept. and she would take care of it, so that I wouldn't have to try and come back out to the hospital again.

After giving me her number and all my paper work back after she made a copy, I asked her "now, can you promise me that I'm not going to get a phone call or a letter in the mail from the billing dept. saying I've been turned over to collections because I'm not making a payment today?" She said "you shouldn't" and with that we left with all the people in the waiting room staring at us and we feeling completely exhausted and apprehensive that they will find the Medicare payment and they won't turn me over to collections.

So now we wait for this hospital to contact us and tell us whether or not they have this bill fixed.

You have to realize we have been fighting with this hospital for 6 years now over their billing dept. we have 3 bills we are paying, and one that is nearly 10,000 dollars and so we will be dealing with this hospitals billing dept. for a long time and this is what we have to look forward too. We will have to keep fighting them every month until we can get these bills paid off and I've told Jeremy if I have a choice in where to go, do not take me to that hospital for anything other than to do blood work.  I didn't have a choice with the car accident and other than that my last time being out there was 4 years ago.

I go to another hospital in Columbus for all my other testing and hospital stays just so I don't have to deal with this hospitals billing dept. and getting harassed and placed in the middle.

It isn't enough that I have to fight the diseases that attack my body but I also have to fight for the rest of my life Insurance companies and hospitals over my care and bills.  It isn't fair and I wish someone could make it all stop.

8 Phone Calls Later And We Finally Got Some Help...Welcome To My Day

After the post I made yesterday, I thought yesterday was the worst day I'd lived through so far with so much bad news coming in from numerous phone calls.  But today started off even worse than the whole of yesterday.

At around 10:30 a.m. I received a phone call from my Gastro Doctor's nurse with the worst news imaginable. She tells me that the company Abbott that makes my Humira injections just contacted her and told her that they are refusing to give me assistance on the $656.09 co-pay medicare  part D thinks I can afford to pay.  The nurse believes the main reason isn't my income why I was denied help, but the fact that I have insurance already and they won't help people who have insurance even if their co-pays are hundreds of dollars.  The Co-pay for my Humira Injections are More than the rent I pay for my home!

So the nurse was literally freaking out with me on the phone, she normally has all the answers but she was seriously telling me that she didn't know what we were going to do if we couldn't find help.  Because It's Humira or Remicade to help me fight this disease and that is the end of the line on medications and then they start cutting out my intestines.  And if you can't afford the meds to help you then what do you do?

The nurse gave me one last number to try, but when I contacted my pharmacy to get the exact amount I would be paying out of pocket they gave me a number to try. Well to make a long story short, that number couldn't help me but sent me back to The Health Well Foundation that I had gotten my previous help for my Humira injections for because they heard that they had gotten new funding in for Crohn's patients, and THEY DID!!!

After 8 phone calls and being on the phone for 4 straight hours (and me sobbing, and praying for God To help me in the background) My husband Jeremy finally got through to the Health Well Foundation and we have been pre approved for a Grant of $2,500.00 for the 2013 year.  Because my information is already in the system from my previous Grant with them they believe they can get me help in time for my next Humira Injection in 2 weeks!

The Down Side to this, is that the Grant will NOT cover my Humira injections for the entire year and I will run out of Grant money around July, and then we have no clue how we will get help to cover the $656.09

So now we are playing the waiting Game, Waiting for the papers to get here from the Health Well Foundation so I can fill them out, then mail them back and wait for the news that i can go get my medicine.

In the midst of all this chaos I was still having to run to the bathroom, and fight off nausea and vomiting along with severe chest pains.  Which most of all this was more than likely caused by the stress I'm under not to mention the diseases.

I have cried, vomited and had diarrhea so much over the past 24 hours I became dehydrated and had to drink lots of liquids to try and get me re-hydrated.  I literally could not drink enough water to satisfy my thirst it was that bad.

How many times a day do I cry out to God for help? So many I can't count, I cry out for him to stop the chaos, to stop the pain and heal my broken body and mind.  And at last I got a break for a while with the help through this Grant, but after such a long fight of nearly 2 months trying to get help I'm too broken and weak to celebrate this victory.  So if you are reading this celebrate for me, because in my life victories are few and far between and rarely last.  But when they come I am so grateful for the peace that comes even if it only lasts a short time.

This day is only 4 hours away from being done, and I am close to having survived another day.  And then waiting to see if I will survive the next.

"Beautiful, Beautiful" The Song That Got Me Through Today

While Listening to this song today after so many bad things happened between phone calls to Doctors and The State Of Ohio about my disability and dealing with the Crohn's Disease, Gastroparesis and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I felt God wrap his loving arms around me and comfort me while this song played and I just cried.  Cried because I was in pain, cried because I was broke and cried because I didn't feel Beautiful because my hair is falling out and I had to cut it off very short.

But in the midst of everything a peace that surpasses all understanding came to me for a short time and allowed me to just breathe and find that peace.

It's Days Like This I Wish God Would Take Me Home To Heaven

Too much bad stuff happened today.

First, I woke up again at 5 a.m. nausea's and throwing up, diarrhea, and stomach pains.

Second, I call the Abbott Company who makes my Humira Injections to see why they haven't contacted me on whether or not they will give me help paying for my injections so I can continue to take Humira and they say I need to call back on Tuesday to see if they are finished reviewing my files.  The Bad thing about this is, tomorrow I take my final injection then I have no more and no way to afford any more injections unless Abbott gets off their bums and makes a decision.  So I was then told by Abbott to contact my Gastro Doctor and inform them that I will be out of injections tomorrow.

Three, I call my Gastro Doctors nurse and talk to her about the Humira injection problem, as well as about my hair falling out, my non stop nausea and never ending diarrhea and intestinal pain despite being on Humira for 4 months.  So the nurse takes down everything going on with me, and then calls me back after she talks to my doctor.  My doctor is ordering lots of blood work to be done on me to check my levels again to see if I'm lacking and that is the reason why my hair is falling out, and he is also checking me for Lupus.  and I swear if it comes back positive for Lupus I'm begging Jesus to take me home to heaven NOW! I don't need another disease

And Four, I get a phone call from the State of Ohio because they are evaluating me on whether I am still disabled and should continue to receive SSDI.  Their problem is that I haven't seen a psychiatrist in over a year for my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression, and they want me to have an appointment with a psychiatrist that they choose to reevaluate me and this psychiatrist will decide whether I am still "disabled" or not.

For those who don't know about my struggle with PTSD I have had this since I was 17 yrs old when first a young man who went to the church I was attending began stalking me and even threatened to bring a gun to church and shoot me in front of everyone as I was playing my drums for a service because I refused to date him. I ended up having my first nervous break down then, and  I had to have a restraining order placed against this man which didn't work and he ended up finding me a year later and want to see me.  But after that visit and making it known I didn't want to see him he finally left me alone.

Then at 18 yrs old I married a man who I thought loved me, but ended up being a drug addict and alcoholic who beat and raped me off and on for 6 months and held me against my will.  Told me if I tried to leave him he would kill me.  And only through the grace of God did I get away from that Man with my life, but not my mind.

And after I got away from my ex husband that was when the PTSD symptoms started until finally 4 years ago I had my 2nd  nervous break down and finally put a name to what I was dealing with.  While finding out I had PTSD I was also dealing with Crohn's Disease and Gastroparesis, which we did NOT know I had at the time and which led to my mental problems and depression even more.

The reason I haven't been seen by any counselor or psychiatrist is because the place I was going to had me on an assistance program for payment, and guess what, they ran out of funds.  I received a letter telling me I was NOT allowed to return to the mental health facility for treatment because there were no more funds to help me.  So I had no where to go and being so sick with Crohn's and Gastroparesis I wasn't even able to go to an appointment if I tried.

So now this psychiatrist will hold my life in his or her hands and whether I will continue to get help and stay labeled disabled or be told I'm well enough to hold down a job and go back to a normal life just like everyone else.  And this scares me to death that someone has this much control over my life.  Because the last time someone did have this control they abused me for a year and nearly murdered me.  So you can understand my anxiety and fear.

Even though the abuse happened over 10 years ago, in my head it's as if it happened just yesterday especially when I am triggered in to a flashback or have a night terror while sleeping.  Like I said my body may have escaped the abuse but my mind didn't and I can only pray that one day I will be healed from this as well.

Reliving beatings and rapes for the rest of your life is not what anyone wants, and to have to fight Crohn's Disease and Gastroparesis on top of it is too much to bare at times.

It's days like this I don't even know how I'm still alive and haven't had a heart attack or stroke from all the stress.  I don't wish anything I go through on my worst enemy.  I am really broken tonight and just asking God to help me through this day, because I don't know how i'm gonna make it through.

A Visual of My fight With Crohn's Disease

The Song "Death Of Me" By The Christian Rock Band "Red" I feel is a lyrical vision and so is the video of what my fight with Crohn's looks like.  If you want to understand my fight then watch this video

Crohn's, It Takes Everything From You And Yet It Demands More

My New Hair Cut Thanks To Crohn's Disease

As I wrote in the title of this blog, Crohn's really does takes everything from you and yet demands more. And now it is taking my hair. Today after 3 weeks of fighting with my hair falling out in handfuls due to Crohn's and the Humira injections, I went and got all my hair cut off.

This is the shortest my hair has been since I was in kindergarten! I didn't cry at the beauty salon until after my hair was cut and i was walking to the car for Jeremy to take me home.  My hair was to be completely honest, was the only thing I ever liked about myself and now that is gone too.

No matter if it grows out I'll have to cut it again once it starts to reach my shoulders because that is the length when my hair starts to really fall out.  It's as if when my hair start to have some weight to it, it just breaks off in handfuls.

  I can't tell you how many balls of hair I've found on the carpet and every time I find one it's scary because you aren't expecting to pick up your hair.  Because the balls look like dirt or that someone has spilled something on the carpet but no it's my hair.

To try and help stop this from continuing to happen, Jeremy is going to go get me some Prenatal Vitamins and see if that helps.  But for now I'll just have to stick to cutting my hair off every few months.

When I said Crohn's Takes Everything and demands more, here are a few things it has taken away.  But then I will share what it hasn't in a hope to still stay positive despite all the negative

Things I can't do 
intimacy with my husband
going out in public
going to church
play the drums
Going for long hikes in the woods
Bike Riding
Playing Softball
having people wanting to come visit you (before i was sick i had people come to visit and i would go visit them, but not so much now)
enjoying a meal
getting enough nutrients to feel healthy
waking up in the morning feeling refreshed and awake
getting to places without having to pack a big back pack full of meds, food, water, vomit bags, tissues, hand sanitizer and doctor masks (incase I go into a place where people are coughing alot and are sick then i will have to wear a mask)
Going on Vacation with my husband or loved ones
Going for a drive out in the country
(I could keep going on but i won't, you get the picture)

Things I still can do
Read/Read my bible
spend time with my spouse and enjoy his company
write
crochet
draw
watch movies
take short walks around the house for exercise
play video games with my husband
help my husband do some of the house chores
listen to music
play piano
sing
help my husband with ministry work, when i can
Take bubble baths

If you are wondering has Crohn's effected my mind? Yes it has, it is so easy to be depressed any normal person would be. and I am. But I still continue to fight I get up every day and put on clean clothes brush my hair brush my teeth and clean my self up take my medications and try to make the best of things

I will share this story with you before I end just how quickly I can get sick and not know it is going to happen .
Last night while trying to take a bath, I suddenly got violently sick to my stomach and had not the trash can been sitting next to me I would have thrown up in the bath tub and all over myself.  Jeremy had to come running up the stairs when he heard me. Had to help me get out of the tub, dry me off, get me my anti vomiting medicine get me dressed and help me to bed.

Jeremy had been working on homework for college when I suddenly got sick and because of this episode with me and him having to take care of me, he was late turning in a paper for school and was up most of the night watching over me because I was so sick.

This disease doesn't just effect me it effects Jeremy too and at times like last night he broke down and was very upset. To take care of a Crohn's patient you have to have a great deal of love for that person because you deal with some awfully disgusting things at times and it's quite embarrassing to have to have your husband or family members take care of you and see you in this kind of state

Cleaning up vomit, diarrhea and applying creams and ointments to the body parts I can't reach because the disease has created horrible sores on them and the only time you get to go anywhere with your spouse for the day is to take them to doctors appointments, hearing me cry out all day and all night in pain at times with no way to re-leave it,  is not what someone signs up for when they get married.

But because Jeremy loves me so much he does these things for me and I don't know what I would do without his help to make it through.

So now you know the dirty truth behind this disease let us fight to find a cure because without God's healing touch all who fight this disease will suffer with it until God decides we have had enough and calls us home.

Needing To Get a few things off my chest

I get so tired of dealing with this disease.  The Pain, the constant diarrhea/bathroom breaks, and of course the not being able to go anywhere because there is a Flu epidemic going on and if I catch the Flu I more than likely will be in the hospital because the Humira medication deteriorates my immune system so I can't fight off any illnesses.

I have been on Humira since September 2012 and I'm still in severe pain. Like last night after eating a new recipe I tried out I have been up sick all night and all day in severe pain because I ate some boiled veggies, grilled chicken and all put into a pot of cream of chicken soup to make like a chicken pot pie and you eat it with biscuits I have been none stop sick.  If I'm not just eating potatoes for my only source of veggies, then I am even more sick it seems, and more times than not it doesn't matter what I put in my stomach it all makes me sick.

I'm so tired of waking up 2-3 times during the night with severe stomach/abdominal pains to the point I'm vomiting or dry heaving every morning and even popping nausea pills I still sometimes throw up.    Every morning like clock work between the hours of 6-8a.m. I'm up dry heaving or vomiting and keeping Jeremy awake and having to take care of me. Getting me medicine, and crackers or the bucket to catch my vomit.

I keep reading my bible and trusting in God that he sees my suffering and won't allow me to suffer for nothing, but at times especially since we have been experiencing so many deaths lately I wonder why God keeps me alive even though he sees that I'm suffering to the point I cry for death to ease the pain from the Crohn's.  And no amount of pain meds even dull the pain that seems to spread over my entire body at times and is unbearable.

So many people have these ideas that they have this miracle drug or miracle "something" that will cure me. I get so tired of these people and I'm just going to be honest.  Because I have tried so many "Miracle" Drugs that NEVER work and we have spent hundreds of dollars on these "Miracle" Drugs and I will Not try any more.

We have tried diets, meds, "miracle" drugs and prayer and nothing is easing my pain.  The only thing I don't give up on is prayer because it is all I have left. For God is the only one that can heal me.

It seems the doctors really don't know what to do and are pulling at strings.  They say Oh you aren't bad enough to hurt to the extent you are. Yet they say I have active crohn's in my small intestine and I also have ulcers throughout my intestines, but I'm not suppose to be in pain.  YOU TRY TAKING A POOP ON A ULCER! Is what I want to say to them and have them tell me if doesn't hurt like Hell?

I go back to the doctor Next month for my 3 month check up and to see how I've improved, but yet I have not improved.

On top of all this I'm fighting to get help to afford my Humira injections, for without any help I will have to pay over 400 dollars every 3 months to stay on this medicine and I don't have that money.  I've applied for help but am still waiting to see if I will qualify and if I don't then I don't know what will happen to me.

And while trying to get his Bachelor Degree Jeremy is continuing to take care of me and do all the shopping, helping with house work and taking care of me when I am too sick to take care of myself.  It is too much at times for 1 person to handle but he continues to do an amazing job at juggling college, ministry work and me.

So today has been a really bad day, and I needed to get this off my chest and vent.  Sorry if this may have been to honest for some but this is what a person with Crohn's deals with every day of their life.

JMC VLog Episode 36: Smart Pills, Ministry, and More Car Wrecks

Jeremy and Miranda share:

Jeremy shares about being in another car wreck just 2 months after their first one.
Finishing Fall Semester in College

Being interviewed for local newspaper
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151992112568912&set=pb.259240778911.-2207520000.1357789212&type=3&theater

Becoming a Blogger for the P.P. Simmons syndicated blog
http://www.ppsimmons.blogspot.com/

Miranda shares about her continued fight with crohn's disease.
starting on humira and it's side effects and going through what is called the "Smart Pill" Procedure.
And in all this having to miss the holidays with her family again for the 4th year in a row due to Crohn's.