My Mom and I Seeing Gone With The Wind In IMAX Theater To Celebrate It's 75th Anniversary

My mom and I in Grove City Ohio to see Gone With The Wind In Theaters for it's 75th Anniversary. The Screen Was 20 feet Tall, I will NEVER be happy just watching this movie on a TV ever again.

The Theater where Gone With The Wind Was playing

Mom and I being goofy and taking selfies during the movie intermission

my mom, Becky

Mom and I went to Cracker Barrel Restaurant After the movie, I had never been to one before and it was yummy

Mom taking a picture of me at Cracker Barrel Restaurant

Meeting My Friend and Fellow Crohn's Fighter Heidi

My long time friend and fellow Crohn's fighter Heidi who lives in Florida flew to Ohio on Sunday and my mom and I picked her up at the airport and we had lunch together and hung out before Mom and I headed to see Gone With The Wind.

Heidi and I in the bathroom together at Tim Horton's, If you have Crohn's or know someone who has Crohn's you will understand this picture. Because this is where we live most of our lives (in a bathroom) so of course we had to do a selfie together in our favorite place as I call it.

Heidi and I having lunch together with my mom at Tim Horton's, being from Florida she had never eaten at one 

 

 

Heidi and I have been friends for 3 years now, ever since I was diagnosed with Crohn's.  Heidi has been fighting Crohn's since she was 12 yrs old, she is now 29.  

We only had an hour and a half to spend together before my mom and I had to drop her off at her hotel and be on our way over to Grove City Ohio (Not too far from Gahanna Ohio), to see Gone With The Wind in IMAX theater.  But I pray Heidi and I have another chance to meet again and spend more time together in the near future. She is an amazing Christian woman and such an inspiration with her "never give up" spirit.

What made this meeting even more emotional and special, was just 5 weeks before we met face to face, Heidi nearly died from an allergic reaction she had while receiving her Chemo Therapy Treatment to fight Crohn's. Heidi said, "I was seconds away from dying" But praise God she is still here, and clearly the Lord is NOT done with Heidi yet, she still has work to do.  I felt so blessed that I was able to physically wrap my arms around my friend and tell her how happy I was that I got to meet her while we are still on earth and Not have to wait until we got to heaven.  

Walking The Dark Hills With Jesus By My Side

A month ago yesterday, my husband Jeremy kicked me out of our home,
and told me he wants a divorce. That after 6 years of dealing with my
mental illness (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and my physical illness
(Crohn's Disease) as well as me not productively dealing with stress and
at times verbally lashing out at him and my family.  He is done.

He says the only way to save our marriage (possibly) is for me to return
to counseling and get help in coping and productively dealing with the
emotional, physical, and sexual abuse I've endured over the past 20
years by numerous people, the main one being my first husband who held
me against my will as well as, beat, raped and threatened to murder me
for 6 months before I was able to get away from him when I was only 19
years old.

I was in counseling 5 years ago, but due to budget cuts and I didn't have insurance at the time due to Medicare telling me I had  to wait 2 years to be able to get my health insurance,
I was told by the counseling center that I was NOT allowed to come back
because they had no funds to help people like me (people without
insurance who was on a special sliding pay scale) Also the counselors I
was given (3 to be exact in just 1 year) were NOT trained to handle
people like me with PTSD and had no idea on how to treat me so my entire
time in counseling back 5 years ago was a dead end and i was thrown
under the bus again. My second time since I was 17 years old when I
first showed signs of PTSD yet back in 1998 there was no such thing as
PTSD and so for 17 years now I have been throw under the bus by numerous
counselors, hospitals, psychiatrists, and doctors.

However, my new counselor is certified and trained in PTSD counseling and knows
exactly how to treat me, she says. She already has a plan ready for
action in 2 weeks. She will be doing a treatment/therapy on me that is a
specific PTSD treatment that I have NEVER in my entire time fighting
this mental illness had someone do. She is confident it will help and be
just the first step on my new road to recovery.  I have a very hard
time trusting people but this lady after just 2 sessions I already feel
75% comfortable and trusting towards her.  No one has ever talked to me
and supported me the way this lady has in just 2 sessions.  And NEVER
once did she say (unlike every other counselor I've had) "I'm not sure
what to do to help you" so already I like her for not saying that.

In the mean time while all this is going on, I am moving out of my home
with Jeremy. This week I got everything that is mine out of the
downstairs of our town house, and this weekend Jeremy and I will begin
on the upstairs. And by the middle or end of Oct. I will be moved out of
our home completely.  Jeremy and I talk in some form everyday still, we
are nice and kind to each other. We still love each other, but he says
it isn't a matter of loving me, it is a matter of living with me and
dealing with all the health problems I have, and that I'm not dealing
with them in a productive manner.

No one can deny that I am under an enormous amount of stress dealing with Crohn's Disease,
but to also be dealing with Post Traumatic Stress disorder and
everything that come with it is too much for any one person to have to
go through at times.

I want to save my marriage of 7 years, I want to get better mentally and physically. I want to be able
to deal with stress productively instead of lashing out verbally at my
husband, family and friends. Because even if my marriage doesn't
survive, I still need counseling because I lash out verbally to my
family and friends at times and so in the end all my current and future
relationships are in jeopardy if I don't get the right counselor and
right treatment for this PTSD. And I will just continue to push people
away until I'm lost and alone without a friend in the world. 

I do not know what the future holds, but I know my Jesus holds the future
in his hands and He has always and will continue to take care of me. In
the face of all this I have not lost my faith, through every trial in
my life, the Lord has always been there directing and guiding me and I
know that 14 years ago he literally saved me from being murdered and
allowed me to survive so that I could be here today, then He can help me
through this, because I have survived so much worse than what I'm going
through today.

That is truly how I am able to get up every morning and face each day despite of the hell I am going through. Because if it was up to my first husband I would be dead 14 years now.
14 years my family would still be grieving, 14 years of hell they would
still be enduring knowing they would never see me again on this earth. 
14 years of visiting my grave on my birthday and holidays. That's why I
continue to fight, life is a gift and I try not to take it for granted
and cherish every good day that I have with my health and I can enjoy it
with the ones I love.

Yesterday Was The 3 Year Anniversary Of My Diagnoses With Crohn's Disease

Yesterday was a rough day, but I made it through as I always have over the past 3 years.

Yesterday Sept. 7th, was the day I got the letter that changed my life forever.

Yesterday 3 years ago was the day i was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease after suffering for 4 years prior with an unknown illness that never went away.

Yesterday was the day that we (my family, and friends) started praying for a miracle from God to heal me, and we have not and never will give up hope for a cure or miraculous healing.

Today, I'm still sick. Today I'm still not in remission after 3 years of med changes and hospitalizations. Today I'm still recovering from a surgery that should have only taken 2 months to recover from but is taking over 4 months for me because I'm so sick. Today I'm not very independent and rely on family and friends to help take care of me and or get me to appointments.

But today i choose to still trust Jesus. Today I choose to not quite. Today I choose to keep on fighting and striving to live and not just survive this life. Today I got out of bed. dressed and prepared myself to face this day.

Update on Visit To My Surgeon on August 26th

A week ago, I went back to OSU East Hospital to see my colon/rectal surgeon, because I have continued to have rectal bleeding and sometimes very bad bleeding since my surgery in April.

The Surgeon examined me and sadly I still have not completely healed from my surgery back in April!!  This is one of the bad side effects of Crohn's our bodies can't heal from surgeries and things like that due to our compromised immune systems, and add that the Crohn's is still not in remission and I'm having 4-7 bowel movements mostly diarrhea most days and that doesn't help at all.

So I am to continue to use butt creams and try not to have so many bowel movements, and "don't wipe your butt" the surgeon says I'm to Dab dry/clean my behind. Wiping tears and irritates surgery area more he says. UGH!!!!

However, even with this bad news, I'm still happy I went through with the surgery because I'm still doing 90% better than I was before the surgery.  So a 2 month recovery from surgery for a normal person has turned into over a 4 month recovery for this "Crohnie".  But I'll make it and with the Lord helping me.

My Adventure to See The Wizard Of Oz

On Saturday August 30, 2014 My Mom, my bestfriend Amanda, and I went and saw the movie The Wizard Of Oz at our local historic Theatre to celebrate the films 75th anniversary! It was a fantastic time, except that the building had no air conditioning and the heat rose up to over 80 degrees in the theatre and the place was sold out. We sweated our butts off, but in the end it was worth it to see this film for the first time on the Big Screen as it was shown back in 1939.  

After the movie we all went to IHOP and had some great food and some great conversations and even greater laughs.  Mom, Amanda, and I didn't get home until nearly Midnight! And I didn't get sick once! I also did nearly starve myself to try and give myself a better chance at not getting sick. And I did pay for it the next day with very bad fatigue and pain, but for that one night everything was perfect.

 My mom was the person who got me loving The Wizard Of Oz when I was 2 years old and when I saw that our city was having this event she was the first person I knew I had to see it with, and then to have my long time friend Amanda be able to come too was the icing on the cake. This day is down as one of the best days of my life!