Making Choices And Sacrifices To Be Able Live And Love Like A Normal Person

Today, I was faced with a very big dilemma today because there were 2 things I really wanted to do, but knew my body could only handle one. One was, doing nothing all day but rest so I could go to church this evening and be with my family and church family worshiping God. Or two, wear my self completely out to make a cherished memory with my husband doing something I have not been able to do in 5 years.

I chose number two....

Now some may think that was wrong to choose number two, but I have been to church more times in the past 5 years and even in the past 2 weeks, than I have gotten to do this one activity with my husband in 5 years. And because I chose number two and surprised my hubby by this choice, he was brought to tears because he knows the sacrifice I gave just to make another cherished moment/memory that made him and i happy.

Yes I must nurture my relationship with God, but I also must nurture my marriage that has been put through literal hell and has nearly fallen apart if it were not for mine and Jeremy's fighting spirit and faith that God has a purpose and plan for our marriage. I must nurture and care for what God has also given me. That is why I chose number 2.

Now Tonight lying in bed, I am paying dearly for my choice.  The intestinal pain is the worst it has been in 3 weeks and I've had to take 2 pain pills in 4 hours and also an anti nausea med as well.  Jeremy feels guilty seeing me in so much pain because I chose number two.  But the pain is all worth it just to see him smile and happy, and I cherish that moment that I felt fully alive and normal again. Even if it was short lived, but all that matters now is that.....I LIVED and when I have another good day I'll Live it again to its fullest.  

Many chronically ill and terminally ill people make what they call bucket lists (things they want to do whie they are still healthy enough to do them).....But I don't believe in bucket lists per say.  I believe in "LIVING LISTS". Because these things on this list are what you do when you are living and not being sick or dying at the moment, and you can only do them if you are truly fighting to LIVE and not Just Survive this life we have been given.  My list grows weekly as I mark off things I have been able to live and experience finally again.

Choices and Sacrifices sometimes have to be made so we can live, but in the end they are well worth the pain and the tears we may go through just so we can say another day.....I LIVED and didn't just survive!