I have really become a hermit compared to my usual self. Talking through fb chat or text is all I want to do. Some may understand some may not but thankfully my family does.
I don't want to talk to or see anyone because I feel so terrible. My mind is just so jumbled with gobbly gook that I can't carry on a in person conversation even Jeremy doesn't talk to me much other than to come in and see if I'm OK and if I need anything every so often. In a text message or private chat I have time to get my thoughts together and then respond.
I have 29 days until I go back to see my crohns disease specialist and see where we go next in this fight.
I actually had a anxiety attack last night because I was so worried about all my close friends I usually call weekly or monthly frightened they may think I'm deliberately avoiding them or that I just don't care about them anymore because this person I am right now just isn't me, it is truly the disease taking over at times and the real me is getting pushed to the back of the line.
These are just some of the things that go through my head on a daily basis since my health has been in rapid decline since the remicade reaction almost a month ago. I question if I'm even a good wife and try to do the best I can even though I'm feeling so bad.
This is really just a venting post where I needed to get this off my mind. Welcome to the thoughts of a chronically ill person.
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