Since my last post, my health has again taken a turn for the worst. After only 3 weeks of having the Crohn's in remission, it has come back with a vengeance. My family doctor put me on Predinsone (my second round of it in 2 months) to try and help with the inflammation and severe pain. But alas, yesterday I took my last pill and I am not getting better.
I am back to eating ensure and soft foods, which doesn't give me much energy. And so far has made little difference on my pain. The other worry now is that my blood pressure is continually staying Very high due to the pain. I've been having chest pains and my pulse will sometimes go up to 111 beats per minute just when I am lying in bed. While my blood pressure is in the 140's/90's.
Jeremy and I are monitoring my blood pressure and if we don't see changes in it in another day or so we are calling the doctor to see what he wants to do next.
Just before I was put on the Predisone, it showed on the weight scales that I had lost 3 pounds of the 5-10 lbs I had gained from my last round of predinsone. I can only pray that I haven't gained more...because that will also have an effect on my blood pressure and heart if I continue to gain weight.
So how do you find gladness in all this? It is very hard at times, but after reading the book "Pollyanna" of which I'm sure many of you have seen the movie with Haley Mills, I began to play the "Glad Game" As Pollyanna calls it. I do recommend reading the book (it's in some ways better than the movie) especially this part I'm about to share with you. If you have a kindle or the app for the kindle you can download Pollyanna for FREE. I recommend it especially since it's free.
Anyway, I was reading Pollyanna one day when the Crohn's had me bed ridden, and I came towards the end of the book, after Pollyanna was hit by a car and paralyzed. Everyone was trying to get her to play the Glad Game that she had taught them. They were trying to think of something to be glad about her being stuck in bed and not being able to walk. Now how anyone could find something glad about being paralyzed and bedridden is very hard to comprehend, but Pollyanna did.
And what she said, my me cry so hard, and even cry now....When asked what she could be glad about being stuck in bed and paralyzed, Pollyanna said, "I can be glad for the times I had my legs."
She was able to be glad for the time God allowed her to have her legs, and all that she did with them and all the lives she as able to touch and change when she had the use of her legs!
And at that moment, being bed ridden because of this disease that is wreaking havoc on my body, I was able to be glad.
Maybe one day I will be able to get better, just as Pollyanna did after having a surgery to repair her back. And then be able to go out again and be able to do ministry, play music and help in churches and my community again as I use to.
But if I can't, I can still be "Glad" for the times I was able to go out and make a difference in people's lives, just as little Pollyanna did.
I can be glad for the time I had the strength to play my drums and travel. Even though now they sit in the corner of our Office collecting dust for over a year. But I believe one day I will get better enough to sit down and play again as I use to. With all the energy I use to have. I can't imagine God giving me a gift at the age of 3 years old, to only take it away when I am 30.
I can be glad for all the times I was able to go and do puppets and teach children about Jesus and how he loves us. And I can be glad that I can still even from my bed be able to sit here and type this despite the pain I'm in. For maybe just maybe it will help someone else, to find gladness in the face of their adversity.
In my life I never imagined at the age of 30 years old I would be many days bedridden and confined to the upstairs of my home. But here I am......The journey i envisioned my life to be on was not anywhere near where it has gone. But looking back over the past 4 years I thank God for the good times and the great adventures I have been able to have before I got so sick with Crohn's and Gastroparesis.
I continue to hold out on faith that God will heal me. Whether it come directly from him touching me or from the hands of the doctors that he will point me towards to help me. God did not create me to be an invalid without a purpose. And I know some way some how he will still fulfill that purpose even through this broken vessel that I am now.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
In Remission, But Still Struggling
3 weeks ago I got the results back from my latest blood test to see how good or bad my Crohn's was.....the results showed that my white blood cell count was normal and that I am in remission.
However, due to having Gastroparesis on top of the Crohn's, I continue to struggle daily with stomach pains, nausea, and diarrhea.
Last weekend however, I was well enough to go and help Jeremy as he spoke at the Delivering Hope Rally to raise awareness about homelessness and poverty. We had a table for JMC Ministries and handed out lots of Free stuff. But sadly it seemed many people showed up to criticize and instead of support us. One person took a copy of our Music Demo CD listened to it then came back and told Jeremy that the music was good, but we were not good enough to win American Idol! Then another person came up at the end of the event after Jeremy spoke and shared his testimony of being homeless and how God helped him through and how he and I started JMC Ministries. This person after taking one of our brochures was very critical of us and kept asking questions that were already answered if they had just read the brochure.
These people were suppose to be Christians but acted anything but....some friends of ours who were there helping at our table saw and heard how we were treated and were very upset that people would be that rude....However, I told our friends that after 30 years of abuse like that from people from around this area, I've grown to expect it and that if someone was Not disrespectful or mean when we went to do Ministry in this area i would think something was wrong.
As I have said many times, Jeremy and I don't have to make people look bad...Because they just open their mouths and place their foot in it and makes themselves look bad on their own, they don't need any help from us.
However, I will say that the event was a success despite the mean people, and Jeremy has already been asked to speak at a church in Portsmouth Ohio next month for another event. This one will be about the drug epidemic that has hit our area of Ohio and how Jeremy is helping people with Drug addictions through a facebook group called Straight Forward...To Help Victims Of Pill Addiction.
Just because Satan puts people in your way to attack you and discourage you doesn't mean you stop doing what God has called you to do. We have more people saying that we are doing great work for the Lord than we do saying we are bad people and not good enough to win American Idol.
Now lets come to the present....
Yesterday i could tell something was not right with my body...I was extremely fatigued and tired. I slept most of the day and then last night it hit...
Out of no where I had severe intestinal pains hit me and even went into my back. I was screaming out in pain. jeremy had to get medicine to help stop the pain and got me to bed. But sleep never came.
All night I tossed and turned in my sleep and cried out in pain. Then today the pain has continued even after taking all the medicine I can to help. And every time I go to the bathroom I hurt so bad having a bowel movement I cry.
It seems my Crohn's is not in remission any longer....I have not felt this bad in over a month and have not had pain in my abdomen and intestines either. So today I'm bed ridden, watching Anne Of Green Gables Movies and trying to continue to do Ministry work from the bed.
My prayer is that this is not a full fledged flare up (how many f words was that? Wow) and that it is only a minor one and will not last long. I'm trying to stay calm and not get upset because that can cause the Crohn's to act up more, but it's hard and especially seeing my husband staying up until 5 a.m. in the morning to watch over me praying and begging God to ease my suffering. It just brings me to tears every time...even now as I write this.
I still don't know why I have to suffer, but as Joni Ereckson Tada said about her swimming accident that left her paralized for the rest of her life...."if one person comes to Christ through this accident, then the wheelchair will be worth it all." All i can say is I hope the same for the Crohn's, Gastroparesis and Auto Immune Deficiency Disorder I fight every day.
However, due to having Gastroparesis on top of the Crohn's, I continue to struggle daily with stomach pains, nausea, and diarrhea.
Last weekend however, I was well enough to go and help Jeremy as he spoke at the Delivering Hope Rally to raise awareness about homelessness and poverty. We had a table for JMC Ministries and handed out lots of Free stuff. But sadly it seemed many people showed up to criticize and instead of support us. One person took a copy of our Music Demo CD listened to it then came back and told Jeremy that the music was good, but we were not good enough to win American Idol! Then another person came up at the end of the event after Jeremy spoke and shared his testimony of being homeless and how God helped him through and how he and I started JMC Ministries. This person after taking one of our brochures was very critical of us and kept asking questions that were already answered if they had just read the brochure.
These people were suppose to be Christians but acted anything but....some friends of ours who were there helping at our table saw and heard how we were treated and were very upset that people would be that rude....However, I told our friends that after 30 years of abuse like that from people from around this area, I've grown to expect it and that if someone was Not disrespectful or mean when we went to do Ministry in this area i would think something was wrong.
As I have said many times, Jeremy and I don't have to make people look bad...Because they just open their mouths and place their foot in it and makes themselves look bad on their own, they don't need any help from us.
However, I will say that the event was a success despite the mean people, and Jeremy has already been asked to speak at a church in Portsmouth Ohio next month for another event. This one will be about the drug epidemic that has hit our area of Ohio and how Jeremy is helping people with Drug addictions through a facebook group called Straight Forward...To Help Victims Of Pill Addiction.
Just because Satan puts people in your way to attack you and discourage you doesn't mean you stop doing what God has called you to do. We have more people saying that we are doing great work for the Lord than we do saying we are bad people and not good enough to win American Idol.
Now lets come to the present....
Yesterday i could tell something was not right with my body...I was extremely fatigued and tired. I slept most of the day and then last night it hit...
Out of no where I had severe intestinal pains hit me and even went into my back. I was screaming out in pain. jeremy had to get medicine to help stop the pain and got me to bed. But sleep never came.
All night I tossed and turned in my sleep and cried out in pain. Then today the pain has continued even after taking all the medicine I can to help. And every time I go to the bathroom I hurt so bad having a bowel movement I cry.
It seems my Crohn's is not in remission any longer....I have not felt this bad in over a month and have not had pain in my abdomen and intestines either. So today I'm bed ridden, watching Anne Of Green Gables Movies and trying to continue to do Ministry work from the bed.
My prayer is that this is not a full fledged flare up (how many f words was that? Wow) and that it is only a minor one and will not last long. I'm trying to stay calm and not get upset because that can cause the Crohn's to act up more, but it's hard and especially seeing my husband staying up until 5 a.m. in the morning to watch over me praying and begging God to ease my suffering. It just brings me to tears every time...even now as I write this.
I still don't know why I have to suffer, but as Joni Ereckson Tada said about her swimming accident that left her paralized for the rest of her life...."if one person comes to Christ through this accident, then the wheelchair will be worth it all." All i can say is I hope the same for the Crohn's, Gastroparesis and Auto Immune Deficiency Disorder I fight every day.
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