Tomorrow Sept. 22nd I will be celebrating my 5 year wedding anniversary with my husband Jeremy. It is another milestone in our lives, every year we care together I count special because it's another year we survived this disease and have not allowed everything we face to tear us apart.
The stats on a couple like Jeremy and I are not good. 85% of all couples who deal with an incurable disease or Chronic Illness in their marriage end up divorced. The Disease takes it's toll on the marriage and it falls apart in most cases.
But only through faith in God and his unfailing strength and remembering the vows to made on our wedding day have Jeremy and I been able to survive these dark times we have and are facing in our life together.
On Sept. 5th 2012 another horrible event happened in our lives. While driving home from church that night we were in a very bad car accident. Jeremy was not injured other than a very badly bruised leg and chest from the seatbelt and the airbag. I had to be taken in an ambulance to the hospital because it was feared I may have a broken left wrist and injured my neck. By the Grace of God I only had a severely sprained wrist and a contusion to my neck where the seat belt slammed into it.
The people in the other vehicle 2 of them were taken to the hospital and treated while a 3rd was life flighted to another hospital for her injuries. Luckily and thanks to God watching over us all, everyone will be ok and recover from their injuries.
But that night I was not sure right when the accident happened if this was to be the end of my life, Jeremy's life, or both our lives together.
But I am still here and so is Jeremy and we are celebrating another anniversary. Clearly God is not done with me, and he has work for me to do. I'm just not sure what at times.
Yesterday Sept. 20th was another memorable day.. Because I started on Humira for my Crohn's Disease. This medication is something I thought I would never have to be on in my entire life.
Humira is an injection shot I have to give myself every other week to try and suppress my immune system so that it doesn't attack my intestines and keeps the Crohn's disease in remission.
A nurse had to come out to our house and show me how to do everything. This made Jeremy extremely nervous and he didn't take this very well. Not just that but knowing the possible side effects of this medication is enough to scare you to death. And it took it's toll on him.
Jeremy just feels so helpless when it comes to this disease, because he's a problem solver and he just can't solve the problem of me and at times it makes him break down seeing me in so much pain. Seeing me having to stab needles into my body to inject medicine that "might" help, being poked and prodded, having tests after tests run that have no good results over the past 4 years. It's a lot for someone to deal with and I myself don't deal with it very well at times either.
And Jeremy is not the only one that feels like this, it has taken such a toll on my family and when my Grandma found out that I was going to be put on Humira she was so scared, thinking of me giving myself a shot and not knowing how my body would react to the medicine and wondering if I would end up in the hospital from some very bad reaction. But after I took her my training kit over and showed her it and she looked through the information she calmed down some. But still knowing that a loved one is that sick they have to be on this intense of a medication is more than they can bare at times, I can see it in their eyes.
Jeremy tells me sometimes, he feels like he's losing me. Because I'm not the Miranda he married 5 years ago, and met 6 years ago. Back then I was healthy and full of life going here and there. Miss optimistic Miss Independent. No Fear and living life to the fullest.
That person doesn't exist anymore right now. I am Miss Dependent upon my husband and family to help me. I am at times full of Fear of the unknown, and I am NOT able to live life to the fullest as I wish I could. I am at times just existing in this world without knowing why, other than God has some plan for me and there is a reason for my existence on this earth.
My Greatest joy in-spite of everything is that when I was healthy and when I have a good day without pain and have some energy, I did and do LIVE!! I have amazing memories I think back on daily when I am stuck in my bed sick. I have known the love of a wonderful man and have made it 5 years with him and hope to make it another 5 years, 10 year 20 years and even longer with him for as long as God sees fit to have me on this earth.
This month and the past 4 years have been an uphill battle but we just have to keep fighting. Because I have faith that my suffering is not in vain. For that is what the Bible tells us, and I think of Jesus and his suffering how much more pain and anguish he went through than what I am going through now. And HIS Suffering was not in vain, for he saved the whole world from Hell, so surely if God would not allow his only son to suffer in vain then we surely will not either.
