Overcoming Trials on Valentines Day and our 7th Anniversary

On Valentines Day Jeremy and I celebrated our 7th anniversary, of the day Jeremy flew from California to Ohio to meet me face to face after 3 months of talking through the internet, video chat and telephone while he served in the U.S Coast Guard.

 7 years we have made it and we are still in love and even more so than that day I saw him standing in the terminal waiting for me to pick him up, and I walked up to him and kissed him for the very first time and knew immediately....this was the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. 

Though at the time we didn't know what we were to endure to be together. Every step of our relationship has been a battle against forces beyond our control. Yet we have persevered.  Valentines day this year was the worst anniversary day we've ever had, so far in our life together.  I will not go into much detail, but on that day last Friday we had an emergency hit us and it was nothing we could stop.  Due to this emergency I was forced to cancel my upcoming surgery at OSU East with my colon/rectal surgeon, which I desperately need because I'm in such agony with the condition this disease has caused.

But there was nothing that could be helped to change it, and we even had to ask for help from my family to get us through and we still do not know if this calamity is over with yet.  

As soon as this "emergency" has been taken care of and is over, I will be rescheduling my surgery and the other heart test I need to make sure my heart is healthy enough to go through with being put under anesthesia.

On top of all this, due to the constant acid reflux/gerd/vomiting I have been been fighting for nearly 7 years now.  I have gotten laryngitis and have not had a voice in over 4 weeks now.  I went to a throat specialist and he sadly told me there was nothing he could do because until the GI doctor gets my stomach condition under control my throat will continue to be irritated. But amazingly enough the doctor was surprised to see that when he put the snake cam down through my nose and into my throat, that my vocal cords have ZERO damage to them after nearly 7 years of the acid/bile eating at my throat!  That to me is a miracle from God, because he has preserved my voice in the face of this disease/condition, so I can sing again once I get better.

Through all that I have been through God has continued to preserve my gifts/talents.  I can still sing, I can still play drums (when I have the strength), and I can still play piano and write and learn beautiful music.  Even though I cannot use them the way I desire to, playing in church and traveling playing for special events around ohio like I use to do.  From the age of 15 when I first began playing drums professionally in church, all my gifts I have given to God and made a covenant with him that I would always use my gifts to Bring Glory to Him and not myself.  For with out God I could never have learned to play the instruments I do and sing as I do without Him.  For I was never trained or given lessons on anything I play.  I taught myself and God blessed me with the knowledge.  Jeremy calls me a prodigy because he doesn't understand how I can sit down at the piano and just by listening to a piece of music, I can figure out how to play it within minutes!  No sheet music no nothing just listening.  My mother says that God made me very special and she has no idea how I do it either. 

Even though no one can hear me, I still continue to play and practice my instruments when I have the strength and as soon as I can get my voice back I'll continue to practice my vocal exercises and sing. 

As a gift to Jeremy for valentines day I learned a beautiful piece of Music Called "Two of Us" Written by the famous Japanese Composer Joe Hisaishi.  It is one of my favorite pieces I have EVER Learned and truly allows you to feel the Love Jeremy and I have for one another. 

Link To Valentines Day Video: A Song For Jeremy
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151851743210286&l=5038259699561550152

Trusting God To Provide Part 2

As in my previous post I said I had some other things to share.

Part 2 is about what happened at my appointment with the colon/rectal surgeon appointment I had nearly a month ago.

The surgeon could not even do an examination of my bottom because he discovered I have 2 fissures in my rectum. Fissures are tears or open wounds on the colon/rectum and are extremely painful. And in my condition they are not going to get better says my gi doctor so I am to call the surgeon back after Christmas and make another appointment for another examination, but this time the gi doc wants the surgeon to put me under anesthesia so he can do a full examination and see what all is going on and if I may need surgery to heal these fissures and hemorrhoids.

My body is literally starting to fall apart due to have diarrhea and vomiting every day for the past 6 years straight.

The surgeon also said he believes I have another disease/condition besides crohns disease that is causing such extreme symptoms and problems. But they really don't know what that disease/condition is.

So we just have to keep leaning on The Lord and have faith that he will provide. Provide the doctors with the knowledge and answers to help me.

So now I have got everything out and I feel better for writing it and not keeping all this bottled up inside and sitting here worrying and not talking about it.

One day at a time is how I deal with everything. Make it through today and hope for a better tomorrow.

Trusting God To Provide

Since my last update just over a month ago, we've had some new developments.

First, I got a letter from Medicare/govt. Run health insurance that I no longer qualify for any kind of help to pay for the crohn's medication I'm currently on, because my husband now has a job since graduating from college. So to stay on my current medication I need to come up with nearly 700 dollars every 2 months to pay for the medication, and if I would go on a different medication it will be even more expensive and I still will not get any help. In the past year to help pay for the nearly 700 dollar copay every 2 months I got help through my health insurance and also a non profit organization. But both go by how much your income is and they also don't take into effect how many bills you have to pay each month either, and due to this life long disease we are so much in debt to medical bills, even with insurance that we have no money to save or to even help pay on the copay for the crohn's medication. 

I talked to my doctor and they have done everything they can to get me help and literally between the doctors office and me making calls myself to numerous charity organizations and even to the crohn's and colitis foundation locally and nationally, there is no help for me. And I also found out that there are many people in my same situation, they have health insurance but it doesn't cover enough to make the medications we desperately need affordable to us.

So as of January first I will no longer be on any medication to fight this disease. And the only medication that is affordable to me is a Med that I have already tried and hasn't worked, but it is the only thing we have to try if my health starts to deteriorate more than what it already has. We have to pray that some way some how the govt. Will change their ruling on giving people assistance for these extremely expensive meds and give people like me help. Pray that God heals me, and that doctors and scientists find a cure for this disease. Because no matter how rich you are no one can afford to pay out this much for medication for the rest of their lives.

There is also more bad news but I will save that for another day. It may seem everything is out of control, but I know God has it all under control and he will make a way for me and take care of me.

I'm Still Here And I'm Still Fighting

It's been just over a month since my last post.  So it's time to make a new update. 

Made it through Halloween without wanting to strangle someone with all the candy and food around that I can't eat. 

And to combat the depression that sometimes can come with celebrating Holidays that I can't partake in Jeremy and I had a Wizard Of Oz party last month!  We had family come over and had a wonderful time watching the 75th Anniversary Edition of the Wizard Of Oz along with a few Halloween show favorites like "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" And "Garfield's Halloween Adventure"

Me In my Oswald The Lucky Rabbit Hat At The Party

A Big thanks to Jeremy for being the best host EVER. I was able to just sit and not stress or strain my body anymore than it was and I was able to enjoy having my family with me in my home all together for the first time. 

And Thanks To the new medicine the doctor put me on to help with my stomach spasms and intestinal spasms.  I have not been throwing up as much.  Instead of throwing up every other day.  I'm throwing up at the most 2 times for the whole week!!! And I don't dry heave like I use to constantly, I do that a few times a week now instead of daily.  But my other symptoms are still not under control, the daily running to the bathroom 6-10 times a day has not let up, the severe intestinal pains that double me over and lay me up in bed, and there are still days during the week I'm stuck in bed either due to side effects of the medicines or because of Crohn's Disease its self. 

Yesterday I had to break down and actually take a pain pill for the first time in over 4 months! For some reason that even the doctors don't know I continue to have severe intestinal pains, and yesterday was the worst I've had in 4 months.  For 24 hours I was in Constant out of control pain with no relief.  And by yesterday morning I was at the end of myself.  So I took to facebook and asked my friends to pray for me that God would ease my pain.  I spent majority of the day in bed in a fetal position, taking pain pills, and watching cartoons, because we all know watching cartoons when you're really sick always helps, or so I think. 

My friends started writing that they were praying for me and I truly believe in the power of prayer.  Because whenever I ask people to pray for me that God ease my suffering.  God always listens and my pain did subside enough to where it was bearable, and when Jeremy came home at 7p.m. last night from work I was able to be up out of bed and enjoy the evening with him.  And my pain level was manageable that I went to bed last night and slept the whole night!

And the only problem this morning was I threw up, so I took some medicine to stop the nausea and spasms and haven't had too bad a day I must say.  Even though another symptom decided to pop up this afternoon.  I don't know if it's a side effect from the meds or the disease. But every so often My hands and feet will break out in tiny blisters and after they pop my hands and feet look like I've had a bad sunburn because my skin starts to peel.  It doesn't really hurt it's just weird, then it goes away for a few months and then randomly it will pop up again.  Just like the boils/sores that have been popping up on my torso for over 3 years.  I use aloe vera to treat with and it helps heal it up. 

In 2 weeks from today I will be at Ohio State University East Hospital seeing a surgeon about what needs to be done about these hemorrhoids that this disease has caused and whether I need surgery or treatment to help them.  I'm nervous yes because no one wants to have to go through surgery no matter how minor or severe.  But my good friend and second Mom Dawn is taking me and she always is such a comfort.

But right now unlike the past 2 years I do not have any doctor's appointments until after the holidays and I really hope it stays that way.  And that this body will allow me to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family.  That's what I want for Christmas to be well enough to spend it with my family, oh and for a Cure for Crohn's Disease. 

I guess that is it for now, I will give another update once I've seen the surgeon and we get some more answers as to what we are doing next.  God Bless

3 month Follow up with GI Doctor and Getting Test Results

Yesterday My Mom, and Grandma (my dad's mom) Took me back to OSU to see my GI doctor for my 3 month follow up. And also get the test results from the mostly failed MRI Test I attempted to do 2 weeks ago. 

The GI doctor to break it down and just put the facts in said, that even though I didn't finished the MRI test that they did still get some good pictures, and that I do still have a small amount of active Crohn's Disease where my Small Intestine and Large Intestine meet.  They could also see that due to having Crohn's for so many years that went undiagnosed and treated that alot of my small intestine is scared from Crohn's.  But that they can't seem to still figure out why I keep being sick to my stomach/vomiting, and having such extreme symptoms when the Crohn's is a mild case now.  The only thing they can think (meaning they really don't know and are pulling at strings at this point to think of something) is that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and my stomach and intestines are constantly going into spasms on top of Crohn's disease.

So the GI doctor didn't take me off Humira injections and added another medication to my ever growing med list. This one is called Bental and it is to help stop the Spasms in my stomach and intestines.

However, I have to share some of the dumb stuff that my doctor said and his associate doctor (student doctor) said to me.....

1st the student doctor commented on the inflammation in my liver, he said that if I would lose weight that my liver would get better.  REALLY! YOU THINK I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED TO LOSE WEIGHT, I MEAN LOOK AT ME!  I told the student doctor that I wold love to lose this weight and if he could tell me how I'm to do that when I can't eat anything but carbs, can't exercise, every day having diarrhea and sometimes vomiting. other days i can't hardly eat anything so I'm constantly switching back and forth from starvation and then I'm on medications that won't let me lose weight.  I told him if he has an answer to how to help me to lose weight I would love to hear it.....He didn't say a word after I said that

2nd the my GI doctor starts asking me about my diet and he asks me if I eat foods with sugar in them.....I eat carbs and breads all the time of course I'm eating foods with sugar in them!!!! I have to drink gatorade sometimes when i'm so sick i can't eat or drink much and to try and get some vitamins i do drink half a glass when I can certains days of apple juice or grape juice.  So yeah sadly i do eat foods with sugars DUH!!! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I EAT, I TOLD HIM! I can eat crackers and drink water and i throw that up!

Then after the appointment they did more blood work to check my levels and see if I have any infection in my system that i may not be aware of.  And then Grandma, mom and I headed home.....and that's when things got even worse!

On our way home we stopped at Bob Evans Restaurant in South Bloomfield Ohio to eat lunch. After eating lunch Grandma either left her wallet on the table or dropped it out of her bag, we really don't know. And before we even left the restaurant someone in the section we were seated at grabbed the wallet and stole it!  Grandma had gone to the bathroom and I was waiting for her at the exit doors and she said coming out of the bathroom that her purse felt too light and when she looked in it her wallet was gone!  We have an idea of who stole it because there was only 3 people seated in our area of the restaurant.  We called the police, made a report and Grandma in less than 2 hours had her bank card and all credit cards cancelled but the thief or thieves do have her drivers license and also her social security card and some cash! But it was all reported before the thieves could do anything and if they try to sign up for credit cards or use her ss number or anything they will be immediately arrested. 

As if we didn't already have enough to deal with,  this had to happen!!!!  I just felt so sick knowing this happened and in the end it made me sicker being under even more stress. But my mom took me home and her and I spent the rest of the day together listening to old records and drinking exotic tea from Africa. 

WHAT IS TO COME IN THE NEXT MONTH:

There is a very big problem Crohn's has called and it is literally a pain in my Butt! Hemorrhoids!  Due to having constant diarrhea every day for 6 years I have got internal hemorrhoids and they HURT! The GI doctor has referred me to a Rectal/Colon Surgeon to see what he can do to help me and I see him for my first appointment next month Nov. 19th and see if I need to have surgery to remove the hemorrhoids or some type of treatment to help the hemorrhoid/hoids.

And then I go back to the GI doctor in Feb. 2014 so let us hope for this holiday season I can have a good season without stress and can just enjoy the holidays with my family and hubby.

So when I see the surgeon I will post a new blog update and let you know.  But for now this is the end of this blog segment and Chaos and craziness is still trying to tear me down, but Thank God that My God is Greater and He that is in me is great than that, that is in the world

Car Accident's, Bachelor Degrees, and Stress OH MY!

Oh where to begin? Because so much has happened in just  a short time.

But I will start on Friday August 23, 2013 for this blog entry.  That afternoon I receive a call from my husband who was driving home from work.  He calls and tells me he has just been in a 5 car pile-up!  He was sitting at a red light stopped and a big Pickup truck 3 vehicles back driven by a young man who wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and was speeding, slammed into a truck, then that truck was pushed into another truck, and then that truck was pushed into my husband’s car, and then my husband’s car just bumps the car in front of him. 

the damage doesn't look that bad, but when looked at from inside the trunk and underneath it was discovered that the frame of the car was pushed into the truck

The young man was cited for causing the whole accident.  His parents insurance has taken full responsibility for the accident.  Jeremy’s car was a total loss due to the damage of the back of the car.  The Frame of the car was pushed into the truck when looked at from underneath, the car was a total loss.  So to make a long story a little shorter, we came to a deal with the insurance company and was able to purchase and 2010 Hyundai Elantra on Labor Day (Last Monday). 

our new car 

At the time of the accident Jeremy didn't seek medical treatment because he didn't appear to be hurt.  But 2 days later he started having problems with his neck and right leg.  I took him to the chiropractor this past Saturday and it appears Jeremy has whiplash and after the results from his 4 x-rays come in the doctor will be contacting us about a treatment plan.  I thank God it’s no worse than that. 

So we thought this accident was behind us, got a new car, getting treatment for the whiplash everything is good. NOT!!!!! 

After Jeremy’s Chiropractor appointment on Saturday we came home to find a Subpoena in the mail for Jeremy!!!!

Jeremy has to appear in court This Friday 13^th to be a witness for the city of Columbus.  Because the young man who caused this accident decided to fight the ticket he received.  So Jeremy plus the other 3 victims of this 5 car pile-up and along with the officer who took the report for the accident have been subpoenaed to court as well to give their testimonies on what happened the day of the accident. 

So Jeremy has to miss work, and loose wages because of this. And I’m sure the other victims have to miss work and loose wages as well.  It’s just victimizing the victims again.

The Stress Jeremy and I have been is outrageous.  I truly thought Jeremy was going to have a nervous breakdown over the past few weeks.  And I trying to take care of everything because Jeremy is at work all day and can’t be reached nearly ended me up at the Emergency room because I pushed my body so much it was giving out on me, and Crohn’s and Stress nearly took me out.  I literally ran places every day for 2 weeks and when I wasn't out running to get things done so we could get a new vehicle, I was home on the phone from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. nearly every day making or taking phone calls and responding and writing emails to the insurance companies, car dealers, and family. 

And the fact it’s still not over with and now Jeremy has to go to court this Friday is almost too much for me to handle. 

And to top it all off this accident was the 3^rd car accident Jeremy has been in, in less than a year!  The first accident happened on Sept. 5^th and it was my fault, Jeremy was a passenger.  The 2^nd Accident happened exactly 2 months later on Nov. 5^th Jeremy was sitting at a red light stopped and a woman who was drunk and also high on drugs hit him from behind.  The woman was also driving without any insurance.  So she went to jail and we had to pay out of our own pockets to fix Jeremy’s bumper.  Now fast forward to 9 months later and Jeremy is in this 5 car pile-up.

We thought we were going to get a break from catastrophe in our lives because the week of the accident, Jeremy officially graduated college with his Bachelor’s degree in Communications, Made the Dean’s List, and had just started his new job in Black Lick Ohio (an hour drive from our home).   We had our car paid off, were ready to start paying off some of our debt before Jeremy’s loans from college kicked in, in 6 months and if Jeremy’s job hired him on full time permanent we were ready to move to Reynoldsburg, Gahanna, or Black Lick. But now we are in more debt due to having to buy this new car and will be paying on it for the next 4-5 years, so we can’t pay off some of our debt like we wanted to before his loans kick in.  Our vehicle insurance has now taken hike due to us buying a newer vehicle, and now Jeremy will possibly loose a whole day’s wages because he has to go to court this Friday.  And we can’t move closer to Jeremy’s work because rent is 2-3 hundred dollars more a month than what we pay now, and with all these new expenses we just can’t afford it.

Oh and also due to all this stress and strain, Jeremy and I are nearly on the verge of splitting up. Our marriage is literally holding on by a thread at this point, and we are trying to hold it together and lean on God to help us through because only he can help us and heal what has been broken.

Our 6^th Wedding anniversary is coming up on Sept. 22^nd and I just praying we can hold on and make it to our special day. Maybe that will be a day for a miracle.

This is just part of what has happened in less than a month, I will continue this update in my next blog. And luckily it is happy news and I can’t wait to share it with you.  

Scriptures that Help Me Through The Worst Days Of Fighting Crohn's Disease

Below is a list of Scriptures that I read when I am facing the worst days in my fight against Crohn's Disease.  You will notice that they are all from the book of Psalm.  The Psalms have always been a great comfort to me from the time of my late teens and even today.  The words of David are so honest and just plainly say what he wants to say while in his hour of distress and they always bring me hope and help me through the days that as I call them, "days I have to ask God to help me to just keep breathing."  I hope they help and inspire you.

Psalm 34

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.

¹⁸ The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 40

Faith Persevering in Trial

1.  I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.

² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

Psalm 41

³ The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness;
You will sustain him on his sickbed.

Psalm 57:1

 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.

Psalm 69

¹⁷ And do not hide Your face from Your servant,
For I am in trouble;
Hear me speedily.

¹⁸ Draw near to my soul, and redeem it;
Deliver me because of my enemies.

 

²⁹ But I am poor and sorrowful;
Let Your salvation, O God, set me up on high.

Psalm 91

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

³ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler^[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
⁴ He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
⁵ You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
⁸ Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

⁹ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
¹⁰ No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
¹¹ For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
¹² In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

¹⁴ “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
¹⁵ He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

Psalm 94

¹⁷ Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
¹⁸ If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
¹⁹ In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 103

1. Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
² Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
³ Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
⁴ Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
⁵ Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.

Psalm 107

¹³ Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
And broke their chains in pieces.
¹⁵ Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
¹⁶ For He has broken the gates of bronze,
And cut the bars of iron in two.

Psalm 116

Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Death

1. I love the Lord, because He has heard
My voice and my supplications.
² Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

³ The pains of death surrounded me,
And the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me;
I found trouble and sorrow.
⁴ Then I called upon the name of the Lord:
“O Lord, I implore You, deliver my soul!”

⁵ Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
⁶ The Lord preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.
⁷ Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

Psalm 118

¹⁷ I shall not die, but live,
And declare the works of the Lord.
¹⁸ The Lord has chastened me severely,
But He has not given me over to death.

Psalm 121:1-8

God the Help of Those Who Seek Him

1. I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
⁸ The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.